On The Horizon
by writergirl96
Summary: Ashleigh ran away almost two years ago when she found out she's pregnant. But now she's been found. And then she's forced to look into both of the men she's loved eyes and explain herself
1. Chapter 1

Ch. 1

The early morning sun shone over Saratoga Racetrack in Saratoga Springs New York. Ashleigh Griffen swayed gently to the stride of the two year old colt, Roman Empire. He was a tall chestnut, standing around 16 hands, a long flowing auburn mane, well-muscled chest and long delicate legs. He was a handful at times but he was her favorite of the seven horses she worked in the mornings.

She'd ridden two already that morning, Sebastian and Lockin' Lady. They'd performed well, as they usually did. Bobby Abrams, the trainer that she usually rode for, had given her stern orders to give Roman an easy work, just a light jog around the track because he was racing the following day in the Saratoga Special, a six furlong grade two race. It was his first after breaking his maiden six weeks prior. Ashleigh had been on board then when he'd crossed the finish line two lengths ahead. She'd been thrilled with him and had spent hours lavishing attention on him back at the barn. He was spoiled.

"I know that you hear that horse coming up behind us but you aren't going to bolt. Your time will come tomorrow when you beat all those other horses. I'll let you run then but today we're just out for a light jog. Got that, bud?" she patted his neck and prepared in case he decided to take off. He'd done that upon occasion.

Roman flicked his ears and tossed his head when the other horse came up on his flanks. He tugged against the bit, increasing his speed slightly. Ashleigh tugged him back and held him tight until the other horse had passed. She breathed a sigh of relief. One crisis avoided. "Good boy, Roman." Ashleigh called into his ear and made a mental note to give him a carrot and a brushing in his favorite places later.

They turned the far corner, Roman tugging impatiently at the bit and she knew he longed to stretch his legs and feel like he were flying. She longed to let him but she knew it would pretty much destroy any chance that he had at winning the following day. "Hold on, baby." she cooed. "You'll get your chance."

They crossed the finish line and Ashleigh pulled him up, laughing as he cocked his head slightly to look back at her as if to say "that was my work? What are you, kidding me?" She ruffled his mane and pointed him back towards the gap. "You'll thank me tomorrow when your running your ass off to keep up with Maiden Jinx." Maiden Jinx had been Roman's biggest competition in his last race and Ashleigh guessed he'd give him a run for the money in tomorrow's race as well.

"Nice," Bobby commented as he jotted a few notes on his clip board. "Just where we want him. Missy's waiting for you." he jerked his thumb behind him to reveal the coal black filly who was waiting impatiently next to her groom. "Give her a three furlong breeze and make sure that she stays on task. She doesn't give her a couple of good ones with your whip." he looked at her from under bushy eyebrows. "I mean it, Griffen. Whippin' her won't kill her, she needs to know when it's time to stop goofin' off and get down to business."

Ashleigh nodded and jumped off Roman's back, wincing slightly. She was infamous for her reluctance to whip a horse that she was riding. She'd always thought that there were other ways to handle a horse and get them to run without inflicting pain. But orders were orders and as a jockey she had to fill them out.

As soon as she got on Mistress's back she felt the coiled spring of energy. She was ready to run. She'd raced the previous week and hadn't been breezed since. Bobby hadn't yet picked a race for her but Ashleigh guessed he would go for the Test, a grade two stakes race for three year old filly's and up. It was seven furlongs, just right for Missy.

"Okay, let's just warm up before we do anything else." Ashleigh told the filly as she fought to keep her in check. Missy shook her head in an irritated sort of way but settled down a little. When they reached the quarter pole Ashleigh let the filly go, feeling the wind rip through her hair and sting her cheeks. Missy could run that was for sure. Ashleigh had to force herself not to get lost in the filly's rhythmic strides and not to run past what they were suppose to. Bobby would have a fit.

She had two more horses after this, Live Forever whom she'd nicknamed Lively part for his attitude and part for his name. The other horse was a four year old gelding named Mystic Run but she called Grump solely because of his bad attitude and tendency to be crabby. She managed to get through Grump's ride without getting bucked off or bit and Lively's was a blast. It reminded her of why she was a jockey.

"Ready to get your ass kicked in the Adirondack today, Griffen?" Adam Broyer teased as she walked back to Abram's stabling. He was a fellow jockey and they'd become good friends when Ashleigh had moved to Saratoga Springs six months before.

Ashleigh laughed and reached back to untie her long dark brown hair and fixed it back into it's pony-tail. "Who beat whom last week?" she asked.

Adam brushed it off. "It was luck. But this week I'm on Delta Blues. That filly can run, let me tell you."

Ashleigh nodded. "I saw her a few days ago. But so can April." Bobby had just started training April Mist two months ago and Ashleigh had instantly been charmed by her docile personality and willingness to please. She also had lots of speed and heart. She was a fine racehorse.

"May the best filly win." Adam said in parting.

"Don't worry, April will." Ashleigh laughed at his expression and turned to give Roman a carrot. He'd been bathed and groomed. The smell of his apple shampoo had been mixed with the usual scent of hay, horse, and leather. "Hi my beautiful boy. Ready to run tomorrow?"

Roman snorted and went back to his hay. Ashleigh chuckled and went to the next stall, Lockin' Lady. The three year old filly was around 15.2 hands, small for a Thoroughbred, with a shimmering black coat, four socks, and a white blaze. She was a good horse but she'd never do anything spectacular in her career. But Ashleigh still loved her.

At twenty years old she was the mother of a nine month old baby girl, Rylen Marie. She'd gotten pregnant when she was eighteen, had Rylen when she was nineteen, acted as a groom while she was pregnant and when Rylen had turned three months they'd moved to Saratoga Springs and rented a cottage not far from the track. For the past six months she'd been a jockey under Bobby and trying to establish a name away from Kentucky. She hadn't been to home since she'd found out she was pregnant, she'd called once to let her parents know that she was okay but otherwise she hadn't talked to them. She hadn't told them where she was even though they'd asked. She was also suffering separation issues from Wonder. At the thought of the chestnut filly Ashleigh felt an ache inside deepen. She missed her more than she'd thought possible and she'd vowed to go back and see her a thousand times but she had yet to do it. She had responsibilities here now, she couldn't just jet back to Kentucky. And besides how would she explain Rylen?

She'd never told her parent's about their granddaughter. She knew they'd ask who the father was and she just wasn't ready to explain that part. She'd kept it hidden inside, those few months that they'd been together. She'd never told him about his daughter and if it was up to her, which it still was, he'd never know.

"Griffen, quit your day dreaming' and get to work." Bobby barked behind her. "Why don't you make yourself useful and take April for a walk?"

Ashleigh nodded and grabbed a lead shank and clipped it to April's halter.

"Rider's up" The announcer called to the field of jockeys. Ashleigh placed her helmet on her dark head and allowed Bobby to give her a leg into the saddle. She clipped the straps on her helmet and took a deep, steadying breath.

"I want you to get her out there quick," Bobby told her firmly, his blue-grey eyes solemn as they always were. "She can take the distance, don't let her get any further down than third. Got it, kid?"

She'd been riding all of her life, she'd ridden Wonder to a win when she was fifteen years old. Did he really think that she couldn't ride a race? Screw him.

The post parade went by in a blur as Ashleigh went through exercises to get her body ready for the strenuous minute and a half she was about to face. She glanced at the crowd and froze when she saw a familiar face in the crowd. The height, the dark features and those mesmerizing blue eyes full of fire. There was a girl on his arm, a pretty blond with blue eyes. She felt a sting prick against her heart but she made the firm decision that she wouldn't allow herself to think about anything other than the race before her. April deserved that.

The bell clanged and ten thoroughbreds lunged forward, ready to fight and jostle their way to first. Ashleigh did as Bobby said and brought April to the front, still being careful to pace her enough so she'd have something left at the end. April tossed her head and tugged at the reins but listened when Ashleigh held her back.

Amarillo was coming up behind them, a big gray that was known for her ability to leave horses in the dust in a flash. Ashleigh gritted her teeth and hunkered down further over April's slim shoulders. There wasn't any way she was going to lose this race. Especially not with Brad watching. He'd tell her that she'd lost it or that she'd never had it.

They passed Jackson's Girl and Petty Peggy with Amarillo dogging them. Ashleigh kneaded her hands on April's withers, feeling the filly spring forward as they turned the corner. Amarillo was closing in but April wasn't ready to give up yet. It was another furlong till the finish and Ashleigh felt ever fiber in her body pushing April win, her determination and grit skyrocketing. April flashed across the finish line a nose in front of Amarillo.

Her dark hair was still damp from her shower, her skin still moist. She'd applied a little make-up and dressed in a white beater and gray shorts. Ashleigh walked over to April's stall and gave the filly a kiss on the forehead. "That was one amazing race today, girl. I'm so proud of you."

She gave the filly a carrot and then stroked Roman's neck, giving in to the big chestnut and letting him have a carrot as well. She glanced at her watch and saw that it was close to seven, she had to pick up Rylen soon. "See you guys tomorrow."

Rylen was waiting for her. She was leaning against Mary, one of the supervisors for the daycare, standing on chubby legs. She turned her head and grinned when she saw her mother. Ashleigh felt her heart melt a little in her chest. "Hi, darling." she said as she picked up the small child. "I missed you today."

"She was a darling." Mary said as she stood and handed Ashleigh the diaper bag. "A real sweetheart."

Ashleigh smiled and tickled Rylen's tummy. "I think so, too."

"I need some more formula and diapers." Mary said. She was a heavy lady, Hispanic, and she always wore bright pink lipstick and a faint purple eye shadow. Ashleigh liked her. She took care of Rylen for her when she needed help and always had the perfect remedy for a cold.

"I'll get them to you in the morning." Ashleigh promised. She said good-night to Mary and tucked Rylen in her car seat and then carried her down the stairs. The first person that she saw came as a shock to her. The familiar gray hair and eyes that sparkled like firecrackers. The velvet cap and the style of clothes that never seemed to change. Charlie Burke. "Charlie." she said, stunned. She hadn't realized how much she had missed this old man until the moment she was face to face with him again.

"Hey, Missy." he said but his eyes were cold despite the nickname he'd come up with for her years ago. "Long time no see."

"Yeah, it's been awhile." she shifted the car seat higher in her hand and for the first time Charlie noticed Rylen who was staring up at him with big blue eyes.

Charlie knelt and stuck his hand in the car seat. Rylen grabbed hold and grinned at him. Charlie's features softened. "She yours?"

"Yes." Ashleigh tried not to be nervous but she felt like such a failure. Charlie, whom she'd always looked up to and respected and had always wanted to be respected, had found her little secret. The reason she had run all that time ago.

"She got a name?"

"Rylen. Her name is Rylen." Ashleigh set the car seat down and she too knelt by her daughter. "How is everyone?" she asked after a few seconds hesitation.

"Good, good. Pride's doin' great. He's doing a lot for Townsend Acres right now."

Ashleigh had left right after she'd made sure that Wonder and Pride had a home at Townsend Acers and that they'd both be safe there. "And Wonder?" It seemed so strange to be asking someone that could give her a straight answer about the mare that she loved so much.

"Great. Real great. The new breeding manager took a real big liking to her. They get a long real well." Ashleigh felt a pang of jealousy. But what right did she have? She'd left Wonder. Charlie took his hand away from Rylen and looked at Ashleigh. "She's the reason you left, isn't she?"

Ashleigh looked at him and then at Rylen. "I couldn't tell anyone, Charlie. I was so ashamed." She bit back the sting of tears and the lump in her throat. She had finished crying over this a long time ago. Nine months to be exact when a little girl had taken the sting of the pain away.

"Crying over spilt milk don't do you any good." Charlie said but handed her a handkerchief regardless. Ashleigh dabbed at her tears and handed it back to him. "She's that Townsend kid's, ain't she?"

Ashleigh nodded, unable to look at him.

Charlie blew out a breath and straightened. "I see why you left."

Ashleigh stare up at him. "Charlie!"

"You hungry? I saw a diner down the street. You might feel a little more comfortable there. Little less chance of being seen by people you don't want to see." he said looking over her shoulder.

Ashleigh glanced over her shoulder and saw the Townsend crew behind them. She saw the red head of Samantha McLean and Jilly Gordan. Ashleigh swallowed a lump in her throat and nodded. "Sounds good to me."

They ordered burgers and fries. Ashleigh fixed Rylen a bottle and gave it to her while she told Charlie the whole story. She managed to get through it without crying and he didn't say a word.

"It's going to be all right, missy. So long as you face up to what you've done."

Ashleigh nodded but felt the pit of uncertainty in her stomach.


	2. Chapter 2

Ch. 2

The sun had not risen when Ashleigh woke the following morning. She lay for awhile in her bed, stretched out and watching the sun rise from her window. She was renting a small cottage on the outskirts of town and was enjoying the privacy that she hadn't really had since she'd lived with her parents. She had her own little garden and a swing set for Rylen. Of course these days she wasn't getting much time in with either of those accommodations.

Ashleigh turned her dark head and the green dials glowed back at her 4:15. She still had an hour before she had to leave for the track. She stretched again, savoring the warmth of her sheets and finally got up and turned on the shower. She stepped inside, letting the water dip over the tendrils of dark hair that clung together from her sleep.

She washed her hair with scented shampoo and lathered her body in soap before shaving her legs and underarms and putting an anti-zit cream on her face. Rylen's baby monitor was still silent after Ashleigh had pulled on her last pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. She quickly blow-dried her hair and pulled it high on top of her head and applied enough make-up to pull out her pretty features.

When she was done she saw that it was quarter to five now and that she might be able to get to the track today, if she hurried, without being so late that Bobby threatened to fire her, as he had on many occasions. She walked into Rylen's room, watching her beautiful daughter sleep for a few moments. Her short dark hair was now getting long enough that Ashleigh could put a clip in it. It was as straight as hers and Ashleigh was regretful on that. But she'd also heard that having curly hair led to frizz and nobody wanted that in their hair.

She finally decided to stop wondering about hair and reached forward to pick Rylen up. Her eyes fluttered open and at first she fussed a little but then she saw Ashleigh and smiled, a big pudgy grin that melted her heart right down to the core. "Hi my little Rylen." Ashleigh said as she adjusted her daughter on her hip, wiping sleep from her pretty blue eyes. "Ready to start another day?" Rylen waggled her chubby arms in the air and Ashleigh laughed. "I'll take that as a yes."

Being a mother wasn't something that she'd spent much time dreaming about. It had always been the horses and for awhile she'd dreamt about Mike but before that had even ended she'd found herself slithering her gaze to Brad Townsend and he'd taken over her dreams. But then, after trying to get used to the idea, it had been her daughter, those first few flutters of life, that had made Ashleigh realize that it wasn't the horses, men, or anything else that would determine the rest of her life…it would be the child growing inside of her. She would have Ashleigh's full love and care and she'd do anything to make sure that her daughter knew that she had someone who loved her and she could fall back on.

Ashleigh got Rylen dressed in a pink top and overalls. She put a bib on her and then fed her breakfast and wiped off her hands. She remembered the formula and diapers and added them to Rylen's diaper bag. She glanced around to make sure she wasn't forgetting anything else when she realized her answering machine was beeping. Someone must have called last night when she'd run up town and she'd just forgotten to check it. Frowning, she pressed play and was stunned at the voice that came out of it.

"Hi, Ash it's Mom. Charlie told me that your in New York and he had dinner with you tonight. He also told me some other things that we really do need to discuss. Call me as soon as you get this." There was a beep that signaled that the message was over but Ashleigh stood frozen, the sound of her mother's voice drifting back to her ears.

She glanced at the clock and saw it was quarter after five. She didn't have time to call her mother and even if she did she still had no idea what she was going to say.

When Ashleigh arrived on the backside the activity was starting to pick up. She quickly brought Rylen up to Mary's and then hurried down to the track to find Bobby waiting impatiently with Sebastian. The colt was fired up and fully ready to go. Ashleigh shoved her thoughts of everyone from Kentucky out of her mind and mounted the coal black colt. She wasn't going to think about them, any of them.

That lasted until two seconds later when she looked up to see a head of blond hair and sky blue eyes watching her. Of course the only man that looked that good in a t-shirt and a pair of jeans with his hair disheveled and eyes that told her he hadn't gotten much sleep the night before was Mike Reese. Her breath caught in her throat and for the second time that morning her world simply stopped spinning. She remembered him and she remembered what she'd done to him. But she also remembered how she'd loved him for more than three years. There was a pretty blond on his arm, and Ashleigh knew right away that they were together because of the way that she kept smiling up at him and the way he put his arm around her.

It shouldn't have stung, it really shouldn't have. It had almost been two years since she'd seen him and they'd been broken up for about that time. She'd left him to be with another man who had eventually left her broken… she had no right. But it did. It brought back memories that she'd thought she'd forgotten about, thought didn't matter anymore, but she remembered how once upon a time she'd been the girl on his arm and he'd smiled down at her and when he'd put his arm around her she knew that she was safe and that he truly cared about her. And she knew, as she'd known for some time now, that she'd only been a toy to Brad. Mildly amusing until the next thing, something better, came along. Then she was tossed aside like yesterdays trash. She still wasn't sure what he'd been for her.

"Get your ass going, Griffen." Bobby barked. "We ain't got all day."

Ashleigh jumped to attention and wished suddenly that she had a glass of water, something cold that would take away the dryness of her throat. She kicked Sebastian forward so suddenly that the colt lunged forward and almost unseated her. Ashleigh quickly gathered her composure, her cheeks burning. "Ease up, boy." she said trying to make her voice firm but it merely came out in a squeak.

The work out was fair at best. Sebastian ran like he was suppose to and Ashleigh managed to keep him in check but the scowl that Bobby sent her when she dismounted was well-deserved. Ashleigh took it in stride and mounted up on Lockin' Lady next, hoping for a better result. She got one but that was only because Lockin' Lady was such a well-mannered filly she had sympathy on Ashleigh's lack of focus and gave her a break.

By the time she rode Missy Ashleigh was totally focused. Mike had left and she didn't see anyone else from Kentucky and she gave Missy her all. The filly was only having a light work because of her breeze the day before. She wanted to run so she didn't give Ashleigh any time to think. If only all of her horses were like that.

"Run, boy!" Ashleigh called to Lively as the raced down the backstretch. Bobby had given them instructions to go for a three furlong gallop and they still had a furlong left. Lively stretched out his dark neck , his nose flaring, and his hooves thundering in time to Ashleigh's heart. When she pulled him up she felt like the tension had drained from her body. She felt refreshed and almost ready to face everyone that she hadn't seen in almost two years.

Mystic Run came up with a bruised hoof that had come from a rock getting stuck in his shoe and Bobby was resting him for a few days. Ashleigh was free until noon when she had to go to the jockey's room. That gave her almost two hours to burn. She decided to go get Rylen and take her for a walk around the backside. Already the little girl loved the huge animals. Ashleigh thought it to be a good sign.

She was sitting on one of the cobblestone benches at the front of one of the amazing gardens, playing with Rylen when she heard a voice from above her. "Would it have killed you to call?" The anger in the tone was unmistakable and it sent chills up Ashleigh's spine.

Ashleigh looked up into the green eyes of Samantha McLean. "Probably not." she answered honestly, knowing Samantha's temper and sweetened words on salty wounds would lead to an explosion.

"Then why didn't you? Didn't you think that we were worried about you?" Samantha had her hands rested on her slim hips and she was glaring down at Ashleigh.

Ashleigh, feeling at a physical disadvantage stood up. "I'm sorry." It was all that she could think to say and she knew that it wouldn't even begin to cover what she'd done.

"The hell you are, Ash. If you were sorry you wouldn't have left. If you were sorry you would have called, you would have come back."

Ashleigh winced at the words. "Sam, I know how you feel-"

"Don't you dare tell me that!" Samantha shouted. "Don't you dare even try that. You don't know how I feel. You didn't have to wonder and wait and think maybe this'll be the day that she'll come back. I needed you and you left me!"

Ashleigh took a deep breath, held it. "Okay, maybe your right but your not the only one who was hurt in this. I didn't leave to hurt you."

Samantha crossed her arms. She didn't give an inch. "Then why did you leave?"

Ashleigh hiked Rylen up higher on her hip. "Sammy, I'd like you to meet my daughter, Rylen."

Samantha looked at Rylen as if she hadn't noticed her before. Just as Charlie had. She seemed stunned. "Daughter?"

"She's nine months."

"So you got pregnant and then you left." she said slowly, putting the pieces together. "I don't get it."

Ashleigh shook her head. "I was ashamed, Sammy. I didn't want to have to listen to what everyone was saying about me. I wanted to get out there and prove that I could still be something."

"You could have been something in Kentucky!" Samantha cried, the anger and the frustration seeping back into her eyes.

Ashleigh was growing frustrated and she lashed out. "It was my decision, Sam. At the end of the day and no matter how much yelling we do it will always be my decision. I'm sorry that I hurt you guys, I really am but I can't go back in time and erase it and I honestly wouldn't. I met some amazing people and learned things about myself that I never would have known, I was tested time and time again and I wouldn't feel so good about being a mother if I was depending on my parents the way I know I would have. There are things you just don't understand, Sammy."

Samantha glared at her and stalked away. Ashleigh sank back down into the bench and looked at Rylen. "That went well, don't' you think?" The little girl made a gurgling noise in her throat and Ashleigh laughed and kissed her cheek.

Sweat rolled down her back from the hot July sun. Ashleigh's pony-tail was at the base of her neck but at the moment it had fallen over her shoulders. She didn't dare take the time to try and toss it out of the way because the gate attendant had already called "one back" and she knew the bell would soon ring. Her heart beat quickly in her chest and her throat felt dry.

Beneath her Roman was calm and collected, his coat cool and his eyes and ears alert. He was ready to run but he wasn't over excited which would help him compared to the nervous sweat some of the other horses and worked themselves into. Ashleigh gathered a clump of his mane in her hand and took a few deep breaths, trying to clear her mind.

"Good boy," she murmured to Roman, trying to keep a steady flow of one-sided conversation going. He'd bob his head or make a throaty sound every once in awhile but Ashleigh wasn't really sure if that counted.

The bell clanged and Ashleigh tensed up. Roman, calm and cool, bolted forward. They were locked behind the lead horses, the ones on either side closing in around them. Ashleigh struggled not to curse. This race was only six furlongs, they couldn't afford to get boxed in. Patience, she reminded herself. She needed to be patient.

She could tell that Roman was getting frustrated and she did her best to soothe the big colt. "You'll get your chance, boy. I'll make sure of it." Ashleigh searched frantically for even the slightest opening, prepared to take one of those risks that made you a great jockey. She didn't know if she was a great jockey but today she'd have to try.

There were three furlongs left in the race and they were still blocked in. She considered holding him back and then going around but she couldn't see that working. There wasn't enough time and he might not have it in him. Finally, she saw an opening to her right and signaled Roman through it only to be bumped by the four horse. "What the hell!" she screamed as she pulled Roman up. The colt's strides were uneven and didn't want to push him incase he was hurt.

He pushed on and she figured he was okay. They were now in last place but Ashleigh was hoping to fix that even a little. They were closing in on the second to last place horse when she felt it. That stumble that set her flying on to his neck. She thought she heard a crack but that could have had something to do with the blood rushing through her ears.

Roman went down.

Ashleigh landed hard on her shoulder but quickly got up to soothe him, tears blurring her vision. She heard terrible screams and was stunned to realize that they were coming from her. Someone's arms were around her, she tried to pull away but she was too tired. So very, very tired.


	3. Chapter 3

Ch. 3

Ashleigh's face felt tight from tears drying on her cheeks. She had a flannel blanket wrapped around her slim shoulders and she was sitting on top of her fluffy comforter with her head pressed against the backboard of her bed, the only light came from the occasional car as it passed by.

After the race she'd blacked out and the events that followed were fuzzy in her memory. For a long time no one had told her anything and that only made things worse. Finally they told her that Roman had broken his leg…and then that they'd had to put him down. Tears instantly filled Ashleigh's hazel eyes and she suppressed another sob. For the past six months she'd loved that colt, she'd put everything she'd had into him. He'd been her favorite. And now, because of her stupidity he was gone.

A fellow jockey, Amber Brooks, handed her a cup of herbal tea and sat on the edge of her bed. Ashleigh stare into the cup, feeling it's steam rise into her face. "You okay?" Amber asked, her gaze sympathetic. When she'd heard she'd offered to come home with Ashleigh and help her with Rylen and get through the night. At first Ashleigh had declined, saying that she'd be fine but then she'd walked past his stall and completely broke down. After that there had been no arguing. Amber came home with them.

"No," Ashleigh said honestly and took a sip of her tea. It was hot, hotter than she'd expected. It burnt her tongue. She didn't care.

"You will be." Amber said, squeezing Ashleigh's shoulder.

Ashleigh shut her eyes with the impact, feeling another tear tremble down her cheek. It hurt so much. "I should have pulled him up the first time, I shouldn't have waited."

"Ashleigh look at me," Amber demanded and Ashleigh did, through tortured eyes. "It is not your fault. There is nothing you could have done to stop this."

Ashleigh looked away. It was her fault, didn't they see that? It was because she'd been too busy trying to be Miss Perfect that she'd done the worst thing a jockey can do-she forgot about her horse's well being. Who could forgive that?

The next morning when Amber came in Ashleigh had a suitcase on her bed and she was folding clothes into it. She'd already showered and she was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. "What are you doing?" Amber asked, a coffee cup in her hand.

"Going back to Kentucky." Ashleigh told her, her voice monotone.

"Why?"

"I can't stay here. I'm going back."

"Because of Roman?" Amber asked.

Ashleigh shook her head and grabbed more clothes from her closet and took them off their hangers. "I ran from there a long time ago and now it's time that I face my fears and go back there. My family deserves that." and then because she knew that Amber would ask she said, "I already called Bobby. Will you take over my mounts? I know that you just quit from Dan Burton but Bobby is a real decent trainer and his animals are amazing."

"There's nothing I can say to stop you, is there?" She asked, realizing that she'd been defeated.

Ashleigh shook her head. "Nope, so you mine as well help me pack. My plane leaves tonight."

Amber nodded and not saying anything helped her friend pack.

Saying good-bye to Bobby was harder than she'd imagined. "If your ever in Kentucky and you need a rider you know who to call." she said as she watched the old man hold her daughter. She knew that he'd gotten attached to the little girl in the past several months.

"And the same goes for if your ever in New York. I'm sure I could always muster up a horse for you to ride." he paused. "Don't go down that guilt road with Roman. It wasn't your fault, Ash. It really wasn't."

"Yeah, well." Not knowing what else to say she wandered down the aisle, making sure to keep away from Roman's stall, saying good-bye to each of the horses that had come to mean so much to her. "Make sure you take care of these guys, they'll always give you their all if you ask them right."

Bobby laughed. "Let's not get into that." he handed her Rylen after kissing the little girl's cheek. "Take care of this one, too. She's one hell of a kid and the same goes for you."

Ashleigh raised a brow. "Are you calling me a kid?"

"What are you? Twenty? Yeah, I'm calling you a kid." he turned to walk away.

"Bobby?" he turned to look at her. "Thank you. You've done a lot for me."

He brushed it off as she knew he would. "I didn't do for you anymore than you did for me." and then he was gone, blending in with the crowd on the backside of Saratoga in Saratoga Springs, New York.

It was raining in Kentucky when she arrived. Ashleigh watched the windshield wipers from the backseat of a cab that was taking her to her parent's home. She felt a nervousness in the pit of her stomach and struggled to calm herself. What if they were so mad that they told her to get lost? She couldn't really see that happening but it was still possible. She hadn't exactly been the best daughter lately.

The taxi pulled into the driveway and Ashleigh paid him before getting out, making sure that the blanket was secured around Rylen's car seat, not wanting her daughter to get wet and sick. Taking a deep breath she walked up the cobblestone path to her parent's home.


	4. Chapter 4

Ch. 4

In all of Ashleigh's years she knew that the moment that would stand out in time is the look on her mother's face when she opened the door and found that her youngest daughter had come home. Elaine was wiping her hands on a dishtowel and she looked like she'd been in the middle of something important and was irritated by the distraction. That face melted away almost as quickly as it had come and she stare at Ashleigh for several long seconds, as if she said something Ashleigh would dematerialize right before her eyes.

"Hi, Mom." Ashleigh said nervously, a forced smile on her lips. Everything was so different, Ashleigh thought and then wanted to laugh at herself. How could she go a year and a half without seeing her mother and come back and be surprised by changes.

"Ashleigh." Elaine whispered, her blue eyes wide with surprise.

Rory came up behind her. "Who-" he stopped when he saw his sister. He stare at her for a few seconds before shaking his head. "I'm going to see Katie." he said abruptly and brushed passed Ashleigh and Rylen.

"Rory!" Elaine called after him and then giving up, turned back to Ashleigh. "Come in." she said quietly.

Ashleigh followed her mother into the kitchen and then set Rylen's car seat on top of it, doing these movements purposefully slow so her mother would notice. Elaine hadn't said anything about the granddaughter she didn't know existed.

Elaine took a ham out of the oven and set it on the stove and then turned back to Ashleigh her mouth open. It closed when she saw Ashleigh holding Rylen. "Whose this?" she asked, one hand on her hip the other on the counter. Her voice sounded tight.

Ashleigh jiggled Rylen's hand and the baby smiled. "Mom, this is Rylen, my daughter. Your granddaughter."

Elaine sagged against the counter and for a second Ashleigh thought that she might pass out. Elaine took several deep breaths and righted herself. "Granddaughter?" she breathed, trying to grasp the craziness of the situation.

"She's nine months old." She informed her mother and then took Rylen's plug out of the diaper bag and handed it to her. Rylen sucked greedily, the pacifier bobbing between her lips. "Say something." she pleaded.

"What made you come back?" Elaine finally said. "Why now? Of all the times why now?"

Ashleigh looked down at Rylen, her daughter. The daughter that she'd poured her love into and she wondered now if she'd made a mistake by leaving. She should have known that she'd end up right back here, where she'd started. She should have known that she'd end up at the place she'd tried to run from, hurting the people that even after all this time, still mattered most to her. She still had to explain, she'd just broken a few more hearts along the way. She remained silent to her mother's question, not even sure where to begin with the answers. Were there any?

"Tell me, Ash. Did you finally realize that life's not as great as you thought it was? Did you realize that it's not so easy out there. What happened?" Elaine's voice went from anger to pleading. The change was dramatic and filled with emotion. Ashleigh closed her eyes.

"Mom, Justin and I are-" Ashleigh's sister stopped in mid-sentence when she saw her younger sister standing in the middle of the kitchen holding a baby. "Oh my-"

Ashleigh turned and attempted a feeble smile. "Hi, Caro." she said, clearing her throat. The smile froze when she saw her dad walk in behind her sister along with Caroline's boyfriend, Justin. She was startled by the wedding ring on her sister's finger. Ashleigh wondered how much she had missed while she'd been gone.

So there they were. The Griffen family, all except Rory and with the addition of Justin all in the same room again. Ashleigh took a deep breath, knowing that she had a lot of explaining to do. She decided to start at the very beginning.

Townsend Acres. Ashleigh's breath caught in her throat as she drove her parent's car up to the barns. Unwanted tears welled in her eyes and she thought it was strange that she cried when she saw this place and not her parents. Her home. She took a deep breath to steady her emotions and stepped purposefully out of the car. She knew where she was headed. Wonder.

She ignored the surprised glances that she was given as she walked down the barn aisle, she ignored every other horse that cast it's pretty brown eyes upon her. Wonder was the only horse that mattered to her now. The mare placed her elegant head over the stall door and stare at her. Ashleigh stopped in her tracks. Tears welled up so quickly that there wasn't anything she could do to stop them. Ashleigh let them fall.

Flinging herself in the stall Ashleigh wrapped her arms around Wonder's neck and breathed in her familiar scent as sobs wracked her body. "I missed you so much. I'm so sorry, girl. I'm so sorry." Wonder wrapped her head around Ashleigh's back and Ashleigh knew at that moment that Wonder, without even a second thought, had forgiven her.

"Hi, little one." Ashleigh wiped her tears away and finally noticed the little chestnut filly in the back of the stall. She was smaller than most but that was all right. Wonder had been small but look at what she'd done at the track. "What's your name?"

"Townsend Rain." A deep, male voice said from behind her and Ashleigh froze. "I figured that you'd know that." The voice was as cruel as it had been the last time she'd talked to him. And it brought back the same pain, only it was duller this time.

"Brad." Ashleigh turned when she was sure that there weren't any traces of tears or blotchiness on her face. "Long time no see."

"Whose fault is that?" He was as handsome as he had been the last time she'd seen him with his dark brown hair, blue eyes and perfect form. His expensive clothes fitted him perfectly and added to his whole snobby-rich owner persona.

Ashleigh narrowed her eyes. "Like you care."

He sighed and leaned his elbows on the stall door. "Your right. I don't." He chuckled at her expression. "Still hurt, Griffen?"

"Don't be ridiculous." she ran her hands over Wonder's glossy mane absently as she studied him. "Why are you here?"

"Want me gone?" he raised a brow and acted offended. He could have made it in Hollywood if he'd tried.

"Always." She lied. Ashleigh, unfortunately, was better off as a jockey.

"Harsh." his eyes narrowed into slits and she almost laughed. "Better off, then. I have to go meet Lavinia for dinner." Brad pushed away and picked a piece of lint off his clothing. How could she have fallen for a guy who picked lint off his clothing? How could she still?

"Lavinia?" Ashleigh raised a brow as if in mild amusement when really she was dying to know.

"My fiancé." he informed her with an evil glint in his eye. Yes, it was still true. Brad lived to see how bad he could make you hurt. And he could die peacefully now just from this one moment.

"Good for you." Ashleigh managed and prayed to find some snappy comment that she could hide safely behind. "Finally find someone who can handle your wicked ways?"

"Angry cause you couldn't?"

"No," Ashleigh said evenly. "You couldn't handle mine."

Ashleigh stayed with Wonder for the next several hours, reveling in the beautiful mare's company before walking to the training barn where she knew Wonder's Pride would be. She reached up and patted his neck. "Remember me?" she asked and wondered if he did. Pride had been a yearling when she'd left. He snorted and bumped her gently with his nose. "I saw you race in the Triple Crown. You were amazing boy. I knew that you would be."

"I heard you came back though I'm not sure why." Samantha said behind her. Ashleigh closed her eyes and threaded her hands through Pride's mane.

"Can't we just move on? Is that so hard?" Ashleigh asked as she turned to face the girl. She had a grooming kit in her hand and a steely look in her green eyes. It wouldn't be so easy with Sam. But it hadn't exactly been easy with anyone else either.

Samantha sighed and for a second Ashleigh wondered if she was wrong. "Fine. I'm tired of being mad at you. It's not worth it."

Ashleigh didn't say anything for a few seconds and then turned her attention back to Pride. "You and Charlie have done an amazing job with him. I'm proud of you guys."

"He just took us along for the ride." Samantha slipped in the stall and looked fondly at the big colt. "But you are right, he is amazing."

Ashleigh smiled for the first time since she'd been back without worry that someone was going to freak out on her. The easiness slipped over her. "There was a horse back in New York that reminded me of him." she said, remembering Roman. A wave of pain gripped her and she struggled to shake it off.

"Roman Empire, right?" Samantha gave her a curious look. "he's the one that died on the track, isn't he?"

Ashleigh looked down at her boots. "Yeah, he is." she answered quietly. "He was a great horse."

"Sounds like it." she replied after a few seconds of silence.

"Well, I'd better get going." She took a few steps back. "It's almost time to put Rylen to bed. Sometimes she gets kind of fussy and-" Ashleigh stopped trying to speak when she felt the young red head hurl herself into her arms and hold on tight. For a few shocked seconds Ashleigh stood their motionless and then her arms tightened around Samantha and they cried in the company of each other and whoever else wanted to see.

That night as Ashleigh lay in her bed with Rylen in her arms looking out the window she let the feelings of the past few days wash over her. It all seemed so strange how her life had changed so drastically in a matter of days. Seeing Charlie, Roman dying, and now ending up in her own bed with her daughter sleeping in her arms and her parents just down the hall.

She felt like a little girl again, like she didn't have to be the grown up for once. She wasn't sure that that was a good feeling to have with a daughter but for once she just wanted to remember what it was like to be a child. She looked down at Rylen with her fluttering lashes and the pinkness of her cheeks and was filled with a love too deep to ever dry up and too strong to ever break. Ashleigh kissed her daughter's forehead and gently lifted them both out of bed and placed her in the crib that her father had brought down from the attic. She covered her up with a blanket and returned to her bed.

For the first time that day she allowed herself to think of Brad's engagement. Samantha had told her that her name was Lavinia Hotchkiss-Ross. Snotty and as rich as Brad. It was better off that way, wasn't it? They never would have made it, all Brad had given her was a few years with a pain-in the ass and a broken heart. But he'd given her Rylen, too and that made her love him even more.

What she couldn't figure out was why she loved him. She never should have stopped being with Mike, at least they had somewhat of a future together. She should have known from the very start that things would end this way. But remembering all the good times that they had and looking at their daughter, she was glad that she hadn't known.

She was startled by the sound of her door opening. "Ash?" It was Caroline.

"Come in." Ashleigh smiled and patted the spot next to her. Just as it had been when they were children, Caroline climbed in beside her and pulled the blankets up to her waist. "Still hate me?"

"I got over that when I found out that Brad was the father of your child. You poor thing." Caroline said seriously and then smiled. Ashleigh smacked her playfully. Caroline, in return, wrapped her arms around Ashleigh and pulled her close. "I've missed you, Ash. I wish you'd been there for the wedding. " Caroline and Justin had gotten married four months prior.

"Me too." Ashleigh responded. "I wish I could have had you guys with me during my pregnancy and when I gave birth to Rylen."

"Your still the bravest person I know, Ash." She whispered softly and then yawned.

"I'm not so brave." Ashleigh whispered but she knew that Caroline hadn't heard her. She'd drifted off to sleep. Ashleigh covered her up and then snuggled into her sister's arms and remembered what it was to be a child. When nothing except made-up monsters could scared you. And they were always fixed by a little faerie dust and your daddy's arms.


	5. Chapter 5

Ch. 5

The morning sun was rising over the Kentucky hills as Ashleigh pulled up at Whitebrook Farms. Her stomach felt tense as she pulled up next to the barns. She glanced in her rearview mirror at Rylen, who was staring at her through wide blue eyes. "I love you, sweetie." Ashleigh whispered and quickly shut off the ignition before she gave up and lost her nerve. She could picture herself spinning out of the driveway and running once more. No, she needed to do this. She needed to face one more part of her past, one more person that she'd hurt before she moved on with her life. Before she could finally forgive herself.

She pulled Rylen into her arms and bounced her lightly on her hip. She handed the baby her plug and since it was damp made sure her blanket was tucked warm around her. The first person she saw was Len, the farm's manager. He stare at her for several long seconds before he finally said, very slowly "Mike's in his office."

Ashleigh nodded and headed down the aisle that she'd been down so often before. This place had been like a second home to her for all the time she'd spent here. She'd even had Pride moved here while she and Mike had been dating and Wonder moved to her parent's farm and she and Mike had been planning on changing that when they got married. Ashleigh had screwed up too soon and too much. After she'd left Pride had been taken back to Townsend Acres as well as Wonder. Ashleigh felt a layer of guilt build back up in her chest.

She knocked lightly on his open door and waited patiently until he looked up. His blond hair had fallen softly onto his forehead and when he looked up his blue eyes were as mesmerizing as ever. "Long time no see." he finally said but didn't move except to lean back in his chair. She felt rooted in place.

"My fault." she murmured, her hazel eyes filling with memories and her heart filled with so much pain and love that she hadn't realized how much those two could go together and often did.

"You don't have to tell me that." he slowly got up from his chair, never taking his eyes off her face and poured two cups of coffee. He handed one to her and leaned against his desk. She sat stiffly in a chair, Rylen on her lap. "This your daughter?"

"Yes." Ashleigh managed a small smile as she looked down at her daughter who was now playing with the strings to her own sweater. "Rylen. She's nine months."

"Cute." his gaze flicked over Rylen and then back to her mother. "Sam told me you had a kid."

"Did she?" Ashleigh tilted her head and cleared her throat. Why was she suddenly so nervous? Because you don't want him to know what a bitch you really are. Too late, Ash, she told herself silently. He already knows.

"Nine months, huh? That'd mean that you had to be pregnant when you left here. So tell me, is it mine or is it his?" The coldness in the word "his" was not lost on her and she steeled herself against it. His pain and hers.

Ashleigh looked up at him, her voice tight. "I think you already know the answer to that question, now don't you?"

"I guess I did." His blue eyes had narrowed into slits and she realize that he'd never looked at her that way. With such cold hard pain and anger. "Why didn't you call?"

Though the change in the conversation was dramatic it didn't phase her. She'd known this was coming, but unlike his look, she'd been prepared for it. "What did you expect me to say to you, Mike? Sorry I got pregnant with another man's child and now I don't know what the hell I'm doing and I don't really know where I'll be tomorrow so don't try and call me."

"Something would have been better than nothing." he said angrily as he shut his door. News traveled fast around a horse farm but the few extra moments of privacy may mean a lot in a few minutes.

Ashleigh set Rylen on the carpet and gave her a few toys to play with before she stood and faced him. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry that I hurt you-"

"You have no fucking idea what you did to me!" Mike yelled, his face and his neck turning red. "You have no idea how much you hurt me! You don't know because you didn't live it everyday of your fucking life!"

His words stunned her, his pain and his anger shed so honestly without any repercussions or anything else to soften them. She stare dumbly at him before fumbling around. "I'm sorry. I have to go."

His voice went soft again and he looked down at the floor. "I'm getting married."

The final blow. The one that hurt most of all. She remembered Brad's words spoken so carelessly the day before. "My fiancé." he had sad and now Mike had uttered the same meaning with different wording. She sank into a chair and stare up at him. "When?" she managed.

"December." he said. "I'm getting married in December."

"Congratulations." she said although they both knew that she didn't mean it. "I'm…happy for you." Then why were there tears in her eyes? Why was there a pain in her heart? And why oh why did this matter so much now? After all she'd done to him, all the questions she'd left him with. When she knew that if someone asked her to honestly tell them that she no longer loved Brad that she wouldn't be able to. But she wouldn't be able to do that with Mike either. Nice, Griffen. Real nice.

"I didn't tell you that for you to lie to me." Mike said with a slight smile. She laughed. It felt strange in her throat. "I just thought you should know."

"So I wouldn't try anything?"

"Just so you'd know." he pushed gently away from his desk and for a second she thought that he might come to her but he walked behind his desk once more. "I've got some things that I need to do."

He was dismissing her. She knew it. It hadn't been that long ago that he never would have said those words because she wouldn't have let him. She'd have been helping him with whatever it was that needed doing. If she'd kept her end of the deal up she'd be his wife now. But then she wouldn't have Rylen.

"I do, too." she said though it didn't come out quite as loudly as she imagined it. She picked up Rylen and opened the door. She was halfway out when she heard him call her name.

"Thanks." he said and then smiled a little. "For trying."

Ashleigh nodded and quickly walked out of the barn. She was tucked safely into her car and driving away from Whitebrook when the rain hit, heavy and hard just like her tears.

"And this is Mr. Shine, he's Major Shine's son." Elaine told Ashleigh as they stood by one of the pastures that contain three yearlings. "He's a beauty, isn't he?"

Ashleigh was still studying the tall chestnut. His coat was a deep golden auburn and his mane and tail flowed like silk. His brown eyes were deep and penetrating and she felt an odd chill as she looked into them. She had a sudden flash of a screaming crowd and what looked to be her riding a chestnut horse riding down a racetrack. Ashleigh shook her head and turned her attention back to Mr. Shine. He was tall and more filled out than the other yearlings. He'd make a fine racehorse. "Yes, he is."

"He'll go to the fall auctions." Elaine said almost sadly. "He'll make a fine racehorse. For someone else." she added with a tinge of reluctance to her voice.

Ashleigh stare at her mother in wonderment. "You sound like your really don't want to sell him." Ashleigh murmured as the breeze brushed their hair back from their shoulders and ruffled the horse's manes.

"I don't. I must admit I've grown quite fond of this one." Elaine sighed and then smiled warmly. Ashleigh looked curiously at Mr. Shine. In all of the years that her parents had owned farms they'd never seemed to be so reluctant to sell a horse. They'd accepted that it was a business and while they loved their horses they always remembered that in another year they'd be sold. Elaine's time with Mr. Shine was winding down and Ashleigh realized how much this saddened her mother. Ashleigh remembered a horse she'd loved as a girl. Black Night his name had been. She'd tried to find everyway to keep him at the farm but in the end it had been death that had taken him from her, not her parents.

"Maybe you could keep him." Ashleigh said slowly. "And I could train him for you."

"We wouldn't be able to afford it, Ash. Racing fees are too much." Elaine squeezed her daughter's shoulder. "But thanks for the offer."

Ashleigh nodded and watched as her mother walked off. She looked into Mr. Shine's deep brown eyes and tried to come up with a way to keep him. For her parents. After all she'd done to them it was the least she could do.

Mr. Shine gazed at her over his stall door, pieces of his morning hay clinging to his whiskers. Ashleigh smiled and brushed them away before slipping a leather halter of his head. She clipped a lead shank to the halter and lead him out. Rylen was still sleeping and her mother had offered to watch her today if Ashleigh took her place in the barns. Elaine had said she looked forward to getting to know her granddaughter. The statement had brought sentimental tears to Ashleigh's eyes.

Ashleigh hooked him up in crossties and brushed his coat until it glittered once more, the particles of dust falling to the cemented floor. When she was satisfied she walked him out to one of the pastures that she knew wouldn't be used today and jogged him in a circle around her. As she did so she studied him carefully. His gait was as smooth as silk, his conformation perfect, his brown eyes focused and excited. Ashleigh felt her breath catch. "Are you my Triple Crown baby?" she murmured to him. He stopped then and stare at her. "You are, aren't you?" she tugged on the lead shank and he ambled over, rubbing his face to her stomach. "Okay then."

They spent the remainder of the day together. Ashleigh longed to get on him and ride him but she knew he wasn't ready for that yet. He wouldn't be officially a year old until January first and it was only the beginning of August. Ashleigh felt a tingle of excitement spur through her.

She took him back to his stall and brushed over his silky coat, laughing as he turned his head back and ruffled her hair with his nose. "Your so silly." she said as she gave him a kiss on his nose. "I have to go, boy. Rylen's probably wondering where her Mom went." she gave him another kiss and a gentle pat in departing before jogging up to the house.

Elaine was balancing Rylen on her hip and stirring a pot on the stove. Ashleigh leaned in. "Smells good." she said as she lifted her daughter out of her mother's arms. "How was she?" she tickled the little girl's tummy and watched as Rylen wrapped her arms around her middle and laughed.

"Good. I wish my kids had been that good when they were that age." Elaine said, earning a smack from Ashleigh. "She hardly ever cries and she's got some patience on her. I don't know where she gets that, though." she gave her daughter a smug look.

Ashleigh rolled her eyes. "Has she eaten?"

"Nope. I thought you'd want to do that."

Ashleigh laughed. "See, I knew that you knew me well. Sometimes a little too well." she grabbed a can of baby food from the cupboard and poured into a bowl before warming it slightly. She set Rylen in her height-chair and brought the sweet chicken baby food to her mouth. Rylen gulped it hungrily. Ashleigh laughed a little.

"Mike called." Elaine said as she drained the pasta and brought it to the table. "He wanted to talk to you about Mr. Shine."

"How does he know about him?" Ashleigh said frowning slightly. She brought another spoonful to Rylen's mouth.

"He was here to see him the day that you and Rylen went to town. He's been thinking about buying him for us." Elaine chopped lettuce and put in a bowl and set out the condiments for it.

"What does he need to talk to me about then?" Ashleigh wondered aloud and dabbed at the mouth of her daughter. She was such a messy eater.

Elaine shrugged and went back to her preparations for dinner. Ashleigh finished feeding Rylen, spent some time with her family before walking upstairs to put Rylen to bed. She saw it was eight thirty and figured that it'd still be okay to call Mike. She was stunned by the distinctly female voice that answered. "Hello?" There were hints of laughter in her tone.

Ashleigh sat in stunned silence for several seconds. She finally gathered up her composure and said in a strictly business tone. "Is Mike Reese there?"

A few seconds later Mike's voice came on. "Mike Reese speaking." there was laughter in the background. He sounded a little breathless. Ashleigh wondered involuntarily about what had been going on before she had called.

"Hi, Mike. It's Ashleigh. My mother told me that you wanted to speak with me about Mr. Shine." Ashleigh knew her voice sounded cold but it was the only emotion she could afford to let in.

"Oh yes." he said and seemed to sober a little. "I want to buy him and I want you to train him."


	6. Chapter 6

Ch. 6

Sitting in the semi-comfortable chair Ashleigh looked around his office, studying the details she'd glossed over before. It felt strange sitting in this chair. She was so used to being on the other side with Mike or curled up in the couch in the corner taking a quick afternoon snooze or sneaking in a few kisses with Mike.

"Your such a screw up." She muttered to herself. She'd messed up her one shot at happiness. She may never get another one. At least not one like she'd had.

The office was immaculate. There weren't any paper's cluttering his desk, everything was neatly put away, the wood gleaming and everything in it's proper place. Ashleigh had a flashback to when she and Mike had been dating. It had rarely been clean and they'd had their own filing system that was like a code between the two of them. There was no signs of their past.

She felt disappointment wash over her as her hazel eyes searched the rather small room, landing on a framed photo of herself, Mike, and Wonder at the backside of a racetrack. They were giving Wonder a bath and Ashleigh had suds on her nose. They were both laughing and the picture had been taking at the perfect time. It captured the essence of what they had been. What their future could have held.

"I'm glad you could make it." Mike's deep voice said from behind her.

"Of course." Ashleigh smiled a little as he took his place behind his desk.

"Let's get to the point." he fiddled with a pencil and reached for a notebook. "Do you want the job? The pay will be good, you and Rylen can have your own place. We just built another cottage. It's not as large as the other one but it'll be big enough for you and Rylen. It's got two bedrooms, a bathroom, laundry room, den, living room, dining room, kitchen. I think you'd like it. Plus it's got a great view." Mike flashed a charming smile.

"I'll…" she paused, knowing that when she said these words she wouldn't be able to take them back and she'd be working for Mike in sometimes close conditions. He'd still be engaged no matter how much time they spent together and she'd be forced to watch him with his soon to be wife. But Ashleigh had already made the decision. She'd made it for herself and for Rylen. "I'll take it."

Mike grinned. "Great. Now I have one more proposition for you."

"What's that?"

"Daycare. My fiancé, Cassie, offered to watch her during the days for you. She's not doing much else right now and she's offered to help you out at least until you get on your feet again and are able to work something else out."

Ashleigh stare at him in shock. Have her ex-fiancé's new fiancé watch her daughter while she worked for him. She was having trouble grasping it. But she needed someone to watch Rylen at least for a little while in the mornings for her. Her parents were too busy at the farm and she didn't really have much other choice. Daycares didn't open early enough for Rylen to go there and it would be too much of a hassle to bring her into town every morning and then drive back to the farm. Rylen would hate getting up that much earlier.

"You don't have to tell me now. Just think about it. You can let me know by the end of the week." He smiled at her again. Did he have any clue what he did to her with those smiles he was always flaunting off? Her heart broke and leapt at the same time.

"Okay." Ashleigh stood. "I'll let you know. Tell her I say thank you regardless."

"I'll be picking Shine up tomorrow afternoon. You can come over on Monday and start working with him."

Ashleigh nodded and walked out of his office, excited and worried over her new job.

*

"So Reese offered you a job?" Charlie said as he and Ashleigh sat on a hay bale outside of the broodmare barn and Townsend Acres.

"Yeah." Ashleigh wasn't sure what else to say.

"You were smart to take it." Charlie clapped her shoulder and looked at her with sparkling blue eyes. She was glad to have him back in her life again. She always felt more secure in her decisions knowing that Charlie wasn't too far away.

"Thanks. He wants me to let his soon to be wife watch Rylen while I work with Shine. I don't know what to do, Charlie. It'd be so weird having her watch my kid." Ashleigh let out a frustrated sigh and put her face in her hands.

"Is that because you still have feelings for him?" Charlie said bluntly. He didn't give her time to answer. "It doesn't matter to me one way or the other, missy. Just get your crap straight and figure out what you need to do. It's not just you anymore, it's your kid, too."

Ashleigh looked over her shoulder at him, as if sizing him out. "Yeah, your right, Charlie. I can't let it be about mine and Mike's past. As you say," he quoted with her. "There aren't no use cryin' over spilt milk."

"You do listen to me after all." Charlie said with a chuckle.

"Do you like her?" she asked, not knowing if she really wanted an answer or not.

"She's blond." (*AUTHOR'S NOTE* NOT MEANT TO OFFEND ANYONE)

Ashleigh laughed. "I've missed you, Charlie."

"Don't be getting' all mushy on me, now. You'll ruin my reputation." The old man heaved himself off of the hay bale. "Now I've got business to tend to and if I'm not mistaken you've got a new colt to look after."

Ashleigh nodded, smiling at the fact that she'd found another special horse to pour her love into. She was back where she belonged and everything was going to be okay, as confusing as everything was sometimes.

*

"So," Caroline said as they sat at her kitchen table over a bowl of popcorn. Justin was out with his friends and Caroline had invited Ashleigh and Rylen over to hang out for a little while. "He asked you if it's okay that his new women watches your kid?" She popped another piece of popcorn into her mouth.

Ashleigh nodded and handed Rylen a banana shaped cracker that was made for babies. She'd started eating more solids with the few teeth that were coming in. "I don't know what to do, Caro. I really need someone to watch Rylen but…it'd be so weird having her do it."

"Having the man you used to love's new girl watching your daughter?" Caroline swiveled her shoulders. "I don't know, Ash. I'm glad it's not my decision."

Ashleigh threw a piece of popcorn at her.

"You don't still love him, do you?"

The question caught her off guard. She should have known to be expecting it but…she didn't want to have to answer it yet to anyone. She knew that she did and she knew she'd give up almost anything for just one more chance with him but she couldn't. They both had to move on with their lives. Their separate lives. Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to take that job.

"Oh my gosh, you do!" Caroline shrieked. Rylen looked up at her with big blue eyes. She stare for a few seconds but then decided her cracker was more interesting.

"Ssshh,"

"Sorry." Caroline slid down in her chair and looked around.

"I don't know anymore, Caro. If someone told me to tell them that I honestly didn't love Mike anymore I wouldn't be able to but I wouldn't be able to do that with Brad either. But it's not like it matters. They are both getting married and I just have to deal with that."

"I knew you'd end up falling for Brad one day. It was inevitable." Her sister looked at her mischievously and Ashleigh put her head in her hands.

The next morning Ashleigh pulled into Whitebrook with Rylen in the backseat. She saw Mike and a pretty blond girl sitting in the steps of the farm house. They each had a cup of coffee in their hands and they were smiling at each other. Ashleigh pulled into the driveway and stare at the couple for a few moments, a flash of a summer morning when she was seventeen and she and Mike were still so in love. She took a deep breath and got out of her car.

"Ashleigh." Mike said, a surprised smile on his handsome face. "I wasn't expecting you yet."

"My parents will be bringing Shine soon." Ashleigh explained, wiping her hands on her jeans.

Mike nodded and seemed to remember the pretty girl at his side. "This is my fiancé, Cassie Levesque and Cassie this is my new trainer and an old friend, Ashleigh Griffen."

Ashleigh tried not to wince at the words "old friend" and held out her hand to the girl. She looked to be about Ashleigh's age and she was even prettier up close. She was about Ashleigh's size and height but with long, pale blond hair, wide baby blue eyes, and a perfect complexion. She'd probably never had a zit in her entire life and had this air of innocence and sweetness around her. No wonder Mike was so taken by her.

"It's so nice to finally meet the famous Ashleigh Griffen." Cassie said in a voice that was filled with enthusiasm. "I really hope we can get to be good friends."

"Me too." Ashleigh said, trying to sound genuine. She walked back to the car and took Rylen out of her car seat. "This is my daughter, Rylen. She just turned ten months."

"She's adorable!" Cassie said as she reached in to tickle Rylen's tummy. Rylen stare at her but eventually broke into a grin. "Have you taken my offer into consideration?"

Ashleigh glanced at Mike. Their eyes met for a few brief moments and then she broke the gaze. "Yes, I have and it would really help me out a lot if you'd watch her."

Cassie grinned and wrapped an arm around Mike's waist. He smiled down at her. "This will all be just perfect."

*

Ashleigh focused her attention on calming Shine down. He hadn't been to fond of the trailer and her mother had told her that it had taken a lot of convincing and tricking to get him to load. He was pacing his box stall at Whitebrook now and Ashleigh was trying to get a hold of him long enough to get the halter back on him and clip a lead shank. She was thinking a nice, long walk and a bath might calm him down a little.

He snorted and studied her from the corner. She continued to coo and whisper promises to him if he'd just let her catch him. "It's all right, baby boy. It's okay." she murmured, never breaking eye contact with the beautiful golden chestnut.

Shine finally took a few hesitant steps towards her. She was able to get the halter on him and clipped a lead shank. She walked him down the barn aisle to the pastures. They walked through the aisles and until she was sure, noon. The air was growing hot and muggy with the August heat and there was a thin line of sweat on Shine's coat. Now all he'd need was a bath and a feeding.

She wet down his coat and then massaged the apple scented shampoo into his coat. There was suds everywhere and he was having a field day spilling the bucket and getting her as wet as possible. If someone hadn't known better they would have thought she was getting a bath, too.

She felt relaxed by the time she had him dry and ready for his stall. She brushed his silken coat while he ate his grain and hay. Every once in awhile he'd look over his shoulder at her and butt her. "Thanks, Shine." she'd say and tickle his nose. He'd snort at her and go back to his feed.

Around three she left Whitebrook to go to Townsend Acres to see how Wonder and Pride were doing. When she arrived at Wonder's stall she saw a girl who looked to be about twelve in the stall with the mare. The breeding manager's daughter.

Ashleigh watched for a few moment's in silence, not really certain what she was feeling. She wondered if this girl had taken her place in Wonder's heart. If the mare had a new favorite. The thought of that after all she and Wonder had been through together brought tears to her eyes. Wonder spotted Ashleigh and nickered softly, walking past the girl to the stall door, pushing her neck out as far as it could go but came up short. "Hi, girl." Ashleigh murmured before finally walking towards her. She scratched behind her ears and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"So your Ashleigh Griffen." The girl said. "They told me about you when I got here. They said that Wonder was sad because she'd missed you and she'd always been more your horse than anyone else's."

Ashleigh glanced at the girl and then turned her eyes back to Wonder. "She's always been my girl. I… I've missed her a lot."

The girl nodded. "I'm Jamie Boston. I'll leave you guys alone."

Ashleigh watched her walk away before burying her face in Wonder's silky mane. She was starting to enjoy herself when she heard footsteps behind her. Her body tensed and she knew instantly who it was.


	7. Chapter 7

Ch. 7

Ashleigh slowly turned, regretting that she'd have to face him again so soon. "What do you want, Townsend?" she said when she was facing him. He was closer than she'd anticipated. She felt strange that he was so close. She hadn't had him so close in quite some time.

"Why do you always assume that I want something, Griffen?" He took another step closer to her. She felt her breathing come in quick gasps and she struggled not to let him know the affect that he was having on her. His smile was wicked and she knew that she'd already been exposed.

"Cause you usually do." She crossed her arms and pushed past him, trying to get her head straight. She didn't like having him so close. Ashleigh was more confused than she'd ever been and all she wanted now was to get her life back together.

"I want to know about the kid." He took a step towards her once again, his blue eyes flashing. She felt her pulse quicken and her stomach tie in knots. He couldn't know. She wasn't ready for him to know yet.

"What about her?" Ashleigh cocked her head slightly and stare up at him, the muscles in her jaw twitching with nervous tension. Oh God, she wanted to be free of him. Her head was spinning with all of the things she wanted, some of them contradicting each other and confusing her even more.

"You damn well know what about her. Is she mine?"

Maybe if there had been something else in his eyes she would have told him the truth. If there had been a trace of tenderness or something other than that iciness that hadn't left his eyes since their good-bye. Maybe if she'd thought for a second that she'd been something more to him than a toy, something to mess around with she would have told them the truth about her-their daughter. But she saw only the coldness and she knew what she'd been to him. The ice around her heart rose up again and she found that she was better off this way. The ice was so thick that she couldn't get burned. "No." she said, trying to make her voice sound believable. "She's not."

There was something in his eyes in that moment that she'd never seen before. It brought tingles up her spine and made her wonder if she'd miscalculated him, missed something along the way. She wondered if she'd ever known Brad Townsend at all. What she saw in that moment could change her perception of him forever. It was there and gone in a second. That flash, had it been disappointment? Hurt? Pain? She had a hard time believing that Brad Townsend actually felt pain but in that moment she realized that in all the years she'd known him she'd never gotten beneath the mask.

Ashleigh pushed past him and walked out of the barn before she fell down that road that had taken over her life almost two years ago. The road that she had almost not traveled back from.

*

Shine had his head curiously over the stall door the next morning when Ashleigh arrived. She had a longe line and a long whip in her hand, preparing for his first training session. Today she only wanted to get him used to the sound of her voice and what it was like to follow commands.

"Hi, baby." she murmured, scratching him behind his ears. She kissed his nose and set her materials over the stall door and grabbing his grooming kit she stepped inside the stall. She ran over his coat with a brush, cleaning off the dust particles. When it was shimmery once again and his hooves had been cleaned out she led him outside to the training ring.  
She'd dropped Rylen off with Cassie that morning. It had been hard to leave her baby girl with the woman that she so badly wanted to be. Harder to see the way Mike had kissed her before he'd left. But she'd always remember the look in her eye when he'd looked up and seen the girl that he used to love standing there staring at him with her daughter in her arms. Her anguish could never be hidden from him like it could others. He'd felt her pain in that moment and he'd known.

He'd known how she still loved him.

Ashleigh shook away the thoughts that clouded her nowadays easily distracted brain. The morning sun was still struggling to rise over the hills but Ashleigh already knew that it was going to be a beautiful day.

Shine seemed confused at first, not sure of what was expected of him. Ashleigh continued on with what she'd known all her life, gently tapping the whip to the ground behind his feet and calling out to him. "Walk" was the first one. Shine tried to trot but Ashleigh held him back. He looked at her through frustrated brown eyes as if asking "Why can't I do what I want?"

"You aren't in the paddock anymore playing with your friends." Ashleigh said as she made him walk around her so he got used to how to do things under command. "This is more serious than that. This is what is going to make you famous."

"Oh really," A voice behind her said casually. She took a quick glance and saw Mike standing behind her. "Famous?"

"That's what we're shooting for, isn't it?" Ashleigh tapped the whip again and Shine sprung into an easy trot. Very good.

"Don't you forget it." he pushed away but still studied her for a few moments.

"I won't. Don't you either." Ashleigh called back. He didn't tell her he was walking away and just as she turned to look back at him, already having something smart to say he was gone. She saw his back disappearing into the barn and with it her dreams for the future.

*

Ashleigh drove into her parent's farm that night feeling exhausted. She'd taken Rylen from Cassie after cleaning up Shine and taking him for a walk. Then she'd walked with her daughter around the farm and Mike had given her a stack of paperwork to fill out which she had done while her daughter had slept. She'd given Shine a quick brushing and his evening feed before leaving.

Ashleigh wasn't in the mood for the company of her parents. All she wanted was to curl up in her room with her daughter but she knew that that would be next to impossible. Elaine and Derek Griffen would never let her. They'd be insistent that Ashleigh and Rylen ate with them so they could talk over their day.

Tiredly, she grabbed Rylen from the backseat, throwing the diaper bag over her shoulder and trudged up the stairs.

"Rough day?" Elaine said as she set the salad on the table. Lasagna and salad. Ashleigh hungrily took the plate of lasagna from her mother and then took Rylen's jacket off and set her in her height chair. The baby was making gurgling or growling noises in her throat. Ashleigh warmed up the baby meals she'd bought for her the previous day. Rylen was insistent that she feed herself which meant that the clothes would have to go immediately in the washer and Rylen in the tub.

"It was fine." Ashleigh said, keeping an eye on her daughter while the family ate. "Where's Rory?"

"At Katie's." Derek answered, studying her warily. "They're having dinner over there."

"I see." Ashleigh said and took another forkful of food. "Rylen, sweetie, no. Eat it nice." She took her daughter's spoon and filling it with food brought it to her daughter's mouth. Rylen studied her mother for a moment before taking the food. She smashed her hands to the table and into the food. Rylen brought her food filled fists to her mouth and sucked on them.

Ashleigh sighed.

After they survived dinner Ashleigh brought Rylen upstairs to the bathtub. Rylen made gleeful noises and happily tried to plunge into the water fully-clothed. Ashleigh laughed and held her back.

When they were done with the bath Ashleigh saw it was still only seven. Rylen would be up for at least another two hours, maybe three since her nap had been late today. It was the perfect time for a trip to Townsend Acres to see her favorite horse.

Ashleigh saw Charlie talking to Samantha outside of the training barn. "Hey," she greeted them before sitting down next to them. Samantha immediately took Rylen out of her arms and set her on her lap, gently tickling the child.

"You look beat." Charlie commented.

"I'm fine." She said, closing her eyes trying to massage away her headache.

Ashleigh looked up and saw Brad Townsend coming her way. His gaze was on her face before landing on Rylen. There was a tenderness there that only she saw. Rylen put her arms out to him. With that single movement tears sprung to her eyes and Ashleigh wasn't sure if she could stay as strong as she'd tried to stay. She wasn't sure if she'd be able to keep her little secret much longer.

Brad looked back at her and there was an understanding there. They would settle this right now. Ashleigh took Rylen from Samantha before following her former love to his office.

His eyes were dark and almost frightening when they looked at her. "I want the truth and you lied to me before, didn't you?"

Ashleigh darted her gaze around the room before finally landing it on his handsome face. A lash of thunder exploded and then all you heard was the loud patter of rain on the roof. "Yes." she whispered.

"How could you lie to me like that? How could hide from me the one thing that could have-" he stopped, his finger dropping slowly to his side. He pressed his palms to the desk and took deep breaths to calm himself.

"Could have what? Destroyed what everyone thought of me? Few people knew about us, Brad and the ones who did weren't exactly nice about it. She is mine, the one thing I had after you left me."

His eyes were cold and angry when he looked back up at her. "When I left you? What about the reason that I left you."

"Do I finally get the answer to that question? You never really gave me one except that it was time to move on. You must have a radar when commitment shows up because every time it does it's when you go running. How did that woman ever get you to put a ring on her finger?"

"Do you want to know or not?"

"What's this going to pull up? How many more demons of my past am I going to have to face before it finally stops hurting?" Ashleigh had set Rylen down and the baby was sucking on one of her toys that had been in the diaper bag.

"I heard you and Caroline talking. Remember that conversation, Ash? It was the one that you admitted that you still loved Mike." Ashleigh felt her face pale. He reached in his desk and pulled out a square, velvet box. Her throat constricted and she fell into the chair behind her, gasping for breath. He opened it and revealed a huge diamond ring. An engagement ring. "The guy at the store that I bought this from told me that with a ring like this no girl would be able to refuse me. I never gave you the ring but you could refuse me no matter what I did. I never was good enough for you. It was always that stupid blond that had your heart. There was nothing that I wanted more than that."

Ashleigh rose from the chair and stare at him. She'd been going to tell him that she was pregnant when he broke up with her and this had been the secret he'd been hiding. This had been the reason he hadn't been able to look at her, the reason he kept his hand in his pocket. She tried to clear her throat to speak several times but nothing came out. She felt rooted in place with her heart breaking in her chest.

She imagined herself trying to tell him that they could make it work if he just left Lavinia but she saw baby blue eyes staring at her. Mike's eyes. But then she saw the pretty blond on his arm smiling up at him, wearing his ring. "Your engaged." she croaked out, tears filling her eyes because she had really loved Brad and she really had wanted to make it work with him. If he answered right she decided it was worth one more shot.

He set the box on the desk and stare up at her. "You take this and I'll leave her."

Ashleigh slowly, with tears streaming down her face, picked up the box and put the ring on her finger.

*


	8. Chapter 8

Ch. 8

Ashleigh sat in her room, staring down at the diamond engagement ring that meant she was Brad Townsend's forever. He was taking Lavinia out to dinner tonight to break the news to her. She felt mixed up inside. She was finally getting some of the answers that she'd asked herself when she'd wondered if Brad would have ever married her.

She didn't know Lavinia other than being a mere acquaintance. She wondered if this woman really loved Brad or if it had all been for appearances. But she'd seen the way she'd looked at him and knew that her wish there would never come true. Lavinia had loved Brad and Brad had loved Ashleigh.

Ashleigh was the other woman.

She finally broke her rein on her emotions and let the tears fall down her face. When she'd looked into Brad's eyes with the ring on her finger she'd given up on Mike right then and there. She'd handed him over to Cassie and the future that he'd have with her. All she'd ever do was hurt him. He'd never get the chance at true happiness if he was with her. He deserved better than that. He deserved to be happy.

Derek walked into the room holding Rylen. "Your mother told me the news." he sat next to her, adjusting his granddaughter to his lap. "I don't know if I should say congratulations or smack you upside the head."

Ashleigh felt a small smile spread across her face at her father's honesty. The thing that mattered the most to him. That they were all honest with each other. "I want to be happy with him, Daddy."

"We all want to be happy, Ash but can you be happy with him and without Mike? I know he broke your heart before so there's no question that you loved him but why go through with this if he's only going to be second to Mike." Her surprised look brought a tender smile to his face. "You don't think I know? You don't think we all know?"

Ashleigh put her head in her hands and then looked back at him. "But daddy, everyone will always be second to Mike. I'll never love anyone the way I loved him."

"He was your first love. It's hard to let that go but baby, marriage takes a lot out of you. A lot more than you could ever imagine. You'll need to love Brad with all of your heart to make it work."

Ashleigh stare down at the wooden floor. "I know Daddy, and I do. I promise." The promise was filled with a need to be fulfilled. To become true but all she saw were baby blue eyes.

*

Morning came too early and before she knew it Ashleigh was getting Rylen ready for the day. Off came her pajamas and on came the shorts and yellow onezie. She brought her over to Mike and Cassie's and found that Mike had already left for the barn and was waiting for her in his office. Ashleigh kissed Rylen's forehead, thanked Cassie, and then ran through the rain to the barn.

He greeted her with a smile but it wasn't long before that smile froze and he saw the diamond ring on her finger. "Huge rock left hand. I guess the hints don't get any bigger than that."

"I guess not." Ashleigh leaned against the closed door and studied him. "You seem…" he cut her off.

"Disappointed? Hurt? Angry? Confused? Yes, I am." he stood from his desk and walked to the front of it and leaned against it.

"Why?" she asked, crossing her arms. She knew that she was vulnerable at that moment and there was no way that she could be strong throughout this confrontation.

"Disappointed because you can do better. Angry because he took you from me. Confused because I thought you loved me." he stopped there, never taking those beautiful baby blue eyes off of her face.

"And hurt?"

"Because I still love you." His voice broke in the middle of that sentence. It went from being strong to soft and weak. Weak. The word that she was when it came to him.

"Does any of this matter?" she questioned, tears blotting her eyes. But she had to know. They both did. They both had people waiting for them and more than their own hearts on the line. There was Cassie and Brad's, too. There was so much more at stake that there had been two years ago.

"I don't know, Ash. Does it?"

He was leaving it up to her. She alone would decide their fate once again just like she had before. She wanted to tell him yes, that it mattered more than anything and that they could finally have each other again. She opened her mouth to speak it but nothing came out and that's when she knew. That their minute in time was completed. Their love for each other went on but fate had a way of making things not matter.

"I will always love you." she whispered with tears cascading freely down her face. "That will never change."

"Ashleigh-" she heard him call her name but that didn't matter. It didn't matter because it couldn't. She didn't deserve his love.

*

Ashleigh poured her heart into Shine over the next few weeks. She spent hours working over training schedules for him and already was looking over first race prospects. She guessed he'd be ready to race by the following May or June. He was already doing wonderfully in his training sessions and he was already building up muscle and perfect conformation. He was stunning.

It was another cool morning and she was working with Shine. He was galloping in circles around her, his eyes alert and focused, his stride quick and springy. He was quick to follow her commands, acting as if he did everything right than maybe she'd let him run longer and get on the track sooner.

"Sorry buddy." she said as she pulled him in, catching the longing glance he sent towards the training oval. "You aren't ready yet. As magnificent as you looked out there."

"Remember to cool him out real good." She looked up to see Charlie leaning against the railing.

Ashleigh's face creased into a grin. "Hey, how'd you get out here?" Charlie no longer held a driver's license.

"Mike picked me up. He wanted to show me some new stock he'd gotten in. He's done now. He's most proud of this one. We watched some of his work."

Ashleigh felt tingles up her spine at the thought of Mike watching her without her knowledge. What did he think when he thought of her?

She opened the gate and led Shine out. Charlie shut it for her and the threesome headed up to the barns. Shine had had a bath yesterday so all he'd need today was to be cooled out and brushed. She took off his gear and replaced it with a halter and lead shank before taking one of Whitebrook's cooling blankets and set it over his shoulder's and back, buckling it across his chest.

"He told me about you and that Townsend kid." Charlie said as they walked through the green grass. He had his hands in his pockets and was looking up over the trees at the horizon.

"Did he?" Ashleigh felt a nervous lump in her throat and fingered the diamond ring that was on her left hand.

"He also told me that he still loved you. That no matter how much he loved Cassie he loved you more. And you know what I thought?"

"What?" Ashleigh focused herself on getting a piece of hay out of Shine's mane. How had that gotten there? Maybe it had been stuck on the blanket. She turned her attention back on Charlie's firm, old voice.

"I think you're a fool. Your letting go of the man that loved you with all of his heart and was man enough to put what's done in the past and give you a second chance even though he's got one hell'va woman that he already won. She may be too bubbly and blond for my taste but she's one awesome lady and she'll stand by him for all time. Mike knows that but he still wants you. The one that hasn't always been there but I guess that doesn't matter to him. It's where his heart is that matters."

Ashleigh looked down at the grass. She knew she was hurting a lot of people by choosing Brad. But he was the father of her daughter and the one that she deserved. Mike may think he'd be happier with her but really he was better off with Cassie. "You don't' understand, Charlie." she said tiredly.

He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her. Shine tossed his head in the air, startled by the sudden movement. Charlie grabbed the lead shank and tied him to the paddock. "No, you don't understand, Missy. I was in your position once, believe it or not. There was a woman that I loved more than life itself. One was sweet and caring and she would have gone to the ends of the earth for me. The other one was a lot like that Townsend boy of yours.

I loved Melinda, the sweet one, with all of my heart. I knew that if I searched the entire world I'd never find another like her. I went out with my friend's one night and I met up with a girl named Shannon. I messed up that night. I broke it off with Melinda and Shannon and I went together for awhile. I came back to town and found that Melinda had another guy. It just about killed me. She told me though that she'd leave him if I loved her. I had a decision to make, Missy. A lot like the one that you have to make now."

"Who did you choose?" Ashleigh cocked her head and studied him.

"The wrong one. Melinda married him and I married Shannon. She left me three years later for someone who was more to her liking. Rich and mean. I've been alone ever since."

Ashleigh stare at him through hazel eyes. "Brad won't leave me."

"That's what I said." He walked away from her.

*

Even though Brad asked her to move in with him Ashleigh still moved into the cottage at Whitebrook. She wasn't ready to move in with him yet even though they were suppose to be getting married. She knew it probably wasn't the best idea to be living so close to Mike but she did it anyways. It was easier than having to drive so far to work everyday and having to get Rylen even more awake.

She loved the little cottage. It was cozy and cute with oak wood floors and large windows. She had her own little garden and the following spring she was planning on starting a flower bed. It reminded her a lot of the house that she used to have in Saratoga and it made her miss it a little less.

She fell into a routine of Rylen, Shine, housework, and Brad. Mike asked her to do a little bit of jockeying for him so she did. It felt good to be on a horse's back again and she found that it helped relax her.

She'd started planning her wedding and she and Brad had set the date for April sixteenth, a few days after Ashleigh's twenty first birthday.

Brad was still cocky and arrogant and a lot of the time he drove her crazy. They fought a lot but she always knew that he loved her and he would try to be there for her. She felt like she owed it to him to try and make this work. He was learning how to be a father to Rylen and sometimes his slow-developing ways frustrated her because she'd had to know how to be a mom right away and he was taking his time. But he was there and Rylen would have someone to call Dad.

*


	9. Chapter 9

Ch. 9

The evening air chilled Ashleigh as she wrapped her arms around her bare shoulders. She knew she should go back inside where there was a warm fireplace and the heater but she felt drawn outside.

She could hardly believe it was already November. Brad had thrown a little Thanksgiving bash and she'd been at his side all night, smiling gracefully for his friends and trying to hide her discomfort at their never-ending questions and the way they expected her to be perfect. She'd never been perfect so why should she start now just because she was going to be Brad Townsend's wife?

The thought brought nervous knots to her stomach. She wondered if this was natural. The way she felt like vomiting every time she thought of her wedding day. Something told her that it wasn't and doubted that Cassie thought of puking every time she thought of marrying Mike.

That was the thing.

She could imagine marrying Mike and get butterflies-the good kind. She could imagine their life together with a smile on her face but when she thought of the man she was suppose to be marrying doubts plagued and she continuously thought of her conversation with Charlie. She wondered if she'd end up like him, in her sixties alone and almost bitter.

She shivered.

She felt someone come up behind her and by the way the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end she knew who it was. Mike Reese. "Here." he said, slipping of the jacket to his tuxedo and wrapping it around her slim shoulders.

Ashleigh turned her gaze to him, lingering before turning away. The material of the red dress clung to her petite form, going out at the waist in layers of silk. "Thank you." she said, wrapping her arms around the coat and herself.

"Nice party." he shoved his hands in his pockets and out of the corner of her eye she caught his handsomeness and took it in. He had to be the most beautiful man she'd ever seen. Maybe she was biased since she'd loved him so much and known him so well. She struggled to keep the key words past tense.

"Brad's decorators put a lot into it."

"The future Mrs. Townsend didn't have say in it?" Mike arched a brow.

Ashleigh rolled her eyes. "I'm too busy for that stuff."

"I heard your boss is a real slave driver."

Ashleigh laughed. "The best I've ever had." The air between them suddenly seemed charged. Ashleigh slipped the coat off of her shoulders, leaving the warmth it and he brought her. "Thanks again." she murmured.

"Anytime." He watched her walk away from him and into the life she didn't really belong to.

*

Ashleigh stood close to Brad's side, trying to keep up conversations and act like she was interested all while watching Mike talking to some trainers with Cassie. She wanted to be her.

"So you said that the wedding is April Seventeenth?" Alice Richard's purred to her as Brad and Alice's husband walked off.  
"Yes," Ashleigh cleared her throat and tried to make herself comfortable. She grabbed a glass of champagne off of one of the plate's the waiter's were carrying and took a drink.

"Should be quite the event, don't you think?"

"It'll be a wonderful day." Ashleigh cleared her throat and searched for another topic.

"It's just strange how you and Brad seemed to despise each other and now you'll be married. Magnificent how love works." Alice or Mrs. Richard's or whatever the hell Ashleigh was suppose to call her had a dreamy look on her face but Ashleigh hardly noticed.

It suddenly seemed wrong. The dress, the ring, the party, what she was doing. It was all wrong and she found it difficult to breathe. "Excuse me." she uttered to the lady dressed in the elegant black dress as she picked up her skirts and rushed out to the patio door opposite of the one her and Mike had talked on earlier.

She shut the door behind her and took in several deep breaths, trying to control her racing heart. She had to go through with this. She couldn't bail on him twice, she couldn't destroy another couple because of her crazy heart and needs and wants.

Ashleigh closed her eyes and sat on the cool cement, not caring about the cold. She felt hot tears spring in the back of her lids and fought to hold them back. She wanted to go home. She wanted to take her baby girl in her arms and go back to New York where at least she hadn't been so confused and none of this had been dug up.

"You'll catch chill." Brad's voice made her head rise but she didn't turn to look at him. He had a jacket that he wrapped around her shoulders, as Mike had.

Ashleigh sat silent with the jacket wrapped around her shoulders and her future husband at her side. She'd never felt so alone.

"I saw you out there, you know." he said quietly, his blue eyed gaze taking in his beautiful farm.

"Where?"

"On the balcony. With Mike." His words weren't angry, more resigned. She felt scared.

"Did you?" Her voice sounded fragile, tainted with tears.

"I realized that it was one of two things. Either I'd lost you or….or I'd never had you. But then the first one didn't really make much sense since you were with him before you were with me so it must be that I never had to."

"Brad." Ashleigh said helplessly, her hazel eyes filling with remorse.

"No, it's…it's okay, Ash. At first I was sure I could make you love me more. I could offer you so much more than he could but tonight I realized that he already had what I wanted so bad. He had your unconditional love. You never gave that to me."

"I do love you." The tears spilled over onto her cheeks and then the dam broke. The beautiful, sorrowful dam that had kept her prisoner for so long.

"I know." he wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "I know that. I'm not being ignorant or cocky when I say this but when I do get married I want to be first to that woman. I want to be everything to her and I want her to love me more. You couldn't do that so…"he cleared his throat. "I guess this is it."

Ashleigh felt like her heart was breaking at the same time that she felt a huge weight being lifted off. She handed him back his ring and kissed him hard on the lips. "Thank you." she whispered.

"Good-bye Ashleigh."

"Good-bye Brad." Ashleigh ran into the house to search of the one that really mattered to her. She flitted her gaze around the room before it finally landed on the door. Mike had his arm snuggly around Cassie and she was smiling up at him, her diamond ring glittering in the soft light.

In the end it didn't matter. None of it did.

*

Samantha had agreed to watch Rylen for the night for Ashleigh. When she came home the redhead was sleeping on the couch with the TV on. Ashleigh tossed a blanket over her and turned the TV off. There was a few dishes in the sink that Ashleigh did quickly before heading upstairs.

She let the expensive dress fall to the floor at her feet and picked a pair of warm pajamas out of her drawer. She peeked in Rylen's room and saw the baby was sound asleep. The need to hold her overruled the fear of waking her as Ashleigh wrapped her baby in her arms.

Rylen's soft, milky brow was paled by the moonlight, her thick lashes fluttering with sleep. Ashleigh carried her to her bed and crawled beneath the cool sheets. She felt comforted by her daughter's presence, the hurt dulled for the moment. "I want him so bad." she whispered.

Rylen's eyes flickered open for a second. Ashleigh didn't whisper any words to her but only continued to stare. Rylen sat up in Ashleigh's lap before leaning forward and capturing her mother in a hug. And it was the daughter comforting the mother even at this tender age.

*


	10. Chapter 10

Ch. 10

She was seriously considering going back to Saratoga when Charlie came up behind her. Ashleigh was standing outside of Shine's stall when she heard the old man's voice. "Congratulations."

Ashleigh turned to look at him, instantly knowing what he was talking about. "Usually that's not what people say when you find out they broke off their engagement."

"Well, in this case it's appropriate." he rested an elbow on the stall door and reached over to pat Shine's glossy neck. "You saved yourself a lot of heartache, missy."

"Yeah." What could hurt more than what she was going through now?

Charlie pulled out an envelope and handed it to her. "That Townsend kid asked me to give this to you."

Ashleigh took the envelope from him. "Thanks, Charlie." She brushed past him to a pasture before tearing it open.

Hey Griffen,

I just wanted to let you know that I won't be bothering you about the kid. You can keep her. I won't ask for visitation or anything like that. Kids aren't my thing. I was just pretending for you. Just don't let her know who I am and we'll be fine. See you around.

Brad

Ashleigh shoved the note in her pocket when she heard footsteps behind her.

"Hey," Mike said with an easy smile. "Nice day, don't you think?"

She walked towards him. "Beautiful."

His gaze caught her bare finger. "Forget it at home?"

"Left it with Brad. You won't be seeing that thing on my finger anymore or a Mrs. In front of my name anytime soon." Ashleigh put her hands in her back pockets and studied him.

"You break it off?"

"Yeah, last night at the party."

"I knew we'd miss fireworks if we left." Mike and his usual charm. Ashleigh laughed.

"Never a boring night with me at a Townsend Party that's for sure." She let her gaze wander around the farm, trying to ignore the knots in her stomach. "You still getting married next month?" She couldn't believe she'd said it and wouldn't have if it hadn't been for the look he sent her.

"The sixteenth."

She nodded, feeling tears spring to the back of her eyes. She prayed he wouldn't see them.

"I know you didn't forget, Ash so why did you ask?" His blue eyed gaze turned serious and he took another step towards her.

Ashleigh felt panic swell in her throat but she knew that if she didn't say it now she'd never do it and she'd regret it for the rest of her life. She knew she'd always wonder and she'd never forgive herself. She'd never let go. Her whole life was riding on this one moment. With her heart pounding and breaking, pounding and breaking she opened her mouth and spoke. ""What would you do if I told you that I loved you. That I left him for you and I made the biggest mistake of my life when I left you. That I've regretted it since that day and your the only man that I can imagine spending the rest of my life with. What would you do if I asked to you to love me and let me be your wife? Would it matter to you?"

Mike blue eyed gaze held her own for what seemed to be an eternity. Love me, Mike she prayed silently with tears swelling in her eyes. Just love me. "I made a promise to Cassie and I need to honor it. If you had told me a few months ago I would have jumped at the chance to be with you again but now..." he looked down at the ground. When he looked back at her there was tears in his eyes. He was man enough to let her see them. To let her know that he had and did truly love her.

"But it's too late." she finished for him. Not knowing what else to say she murmured. "Good thing I didn't then." With her tears and her memories of him she walked away because she'd promised herself that when it was all said and done she'd take her memories of what used to be and walk away with her head held high.

*

Rylen's eyes stare at her tearful mother that night as they sat on Ashleigh's bed. She had a ring toy in her mouth and she kept reaching forward to pat Ashleigh's wet cheeks. She would feel the wetness and would make a strange noise. After awhile Ashleigh finally smiled. "You don't like it when mommy's sad, do you sweetheart?" Rylen leaned forward and gave Ashleigh a kiss. The first kiss she'd ever received from her daughter. Her heart melted as she pulled her closer. "I love you, baby girl. We'll be okay as long as we're together."

She had to believe that. She had no one now. Every dream she'd had when she'd come home was broken now. What did you do when the most important thing that you had, love, wasn't enough? When your own love story didn't turn out like the ones in the movies and story books? When you had nowhere else to turn because everything that you'd believed in had been broken?

"The door was open." A female voice said from the doorway. Ashleigh looked up, startled, to see her sister standing there, two paper bags in her hand.

Ashleigh nodded but didn't move.

"Sammy called and told me that you left Whitebrook pretty upset today. I take it things didn't go well with Mike?" Her pretty sister, dressed in a black skirt and silk top with black stiletto heels, sat on the edge of the bed. For some reason Ashleigh was reminded of Cassie. It brought tears to her eyes once more.

"You could say that." Rylen rolled off of Ashleigh's stomach and went to play with the other toys she had on the bed. Ashleigh sat up further and wrapped her arms around her knees.

"What'd you expect?" She knew Caroline was going to do some logic on her and Ashleigh wasn't sure she could handle that right now. She wanted to be rocked and told it was all going to be okay even if it wasn't. She wanted to be the child.

"Nothing." Caroline gave her the I-don't-believe-you look. Ashleigh gave in. "I wanted him to tell me that…he loved me, that she didn't matter, that he wanted to start over, and that he couldn't live without me." Tears filmed her eyes once more. "But part of me also knew that it was too late. That he wasn't going to say that. That love wasn't enough this time and he was still going to marry Cassie."

"It won't hurt this bad forever. I promise. I've been there, sweetie. It hurts for sometimes a long time but you get over it and you'll find the man that's perfect for you."

"Mike is the only man that I can imagine spending the rest of my life with. I gave so much of myself to him that I won't ever be able to love anyone the way I love him. You got the man of your dreams." Ashleigh said tearfully. "I didn't."

"Oh, sweetie." Caroline wrapped her sister in her arms and rocked her while Ashleigh cried. There didn't seem to be a cure in the world for this broken heart.

*  
The morning sun shone high over Saratoga Springs, New York. Ashleigh stood with her daughter on her hip watching the morning work outs. She wouldn't begin working the horses until the following morning since Whitebrook had gotten here too late for the works.

She felt a comfort in being here again. She'd come here once before, broken and tired and she'd left with a goal and a dream. She'd proven herself here as a jockey but more importantly as a single woman who was raising her daughter to the best of her ability.

"How does it feel to be back, kid?" Bobby Abrams questioned from behind her.

"Great." Ashleigh said with a grin as she turned to face the old man. "It couldn't be better."

"Did you find what you went there for?" She knew that he was talking about Kentucky.

"In a way I guess I did but there's a lot of things that I left that I won't ever get back but I'm trying to make that okay." Ashleigh answered honestly, knowing that he wouldn't accept anything else.

"That's all that you can do." he clapped her on the shoulder before excusing himself to go check out his horses. Ashleigh hadn't been to his barn yet, afraid of the memories that would taunt her there. It had been hard enough looking at the track.

Ashleigh walked up the stairs that would lead her to Mary's Nursery. The woman looked at her with surprised delight when she pushed through the door. "Ashleigh…it's so good to see you. How long are you back for?"

"Just for the week. I thought that I'd bring Ry up to see you." Ashleigh handed her baby off to Mary with a smile. Mary jiggled her slightly and made cooing noises. Rylen had a huge smile on her pudgy face.

"She's as cute as ever. Will you be leaving her with me while your busy with the horses?" She looked hopeful.

"Could you? I don't really have anyone else to watch her. That's why it's so hard to have kids in this business."

"Of course, honey. Don't worry about it. I'd be more than happy."

Ashleigh left Rylen with her and went down to the barns to help with the horses. She saw Mike talking to one of the grooms and pointedly went in the opposite direction. They'd been forced to see each other everyday and he tried to make it as far from awkward as possible but his attempts always failed. It hurt to see him and to know that she'd never have him again. It hurt to try and move on with her life and it hurt to stand still. But moving on was her only choice.

She helped with the feeding and grooming, making sure that she kept busy. She fell into the simple routine of being with the horses that had always meant so much. When she was done she walked around the grounds, taking in it's beauty.

She didn't know how but she found herself back at Roman's old stall. The door was closed and another horse occupied it. He was tall and black with sharp eyes that told you that he was constantly trying to get into trouble. He looked like the black version of Roman. Her sweet Roman. Ashleigh felt tears prick the back of her eye lids and Ashleigh struggled against them. She had loved and she had lost. It was now time to get back on the horse and move on with her life. She had a lot of life left for her to live. There was still so much.


	11. Chapter 11

Ch. 11

Ashleigh woke in the middle of the night to a fierce pounding noise on her door. She rolled over and ignored it only to be pulled out of bed to figure out what it was all about. She forgot her robe even though in her white tank-top and pajama shorts she was chilled and rushed downstairs before the noise woke Rylen.

The irritation in her eyes melted away when she saw a distraught Mike covered in snow and the most pain in his eyes she'd ever seen. "Come in." she said immediately and stepped aside to pave his way. "What's the matter?"

"I don't even know what to do anymore, Ash." he said helplessly. Her heart raced in her chest as she waited for him to continue. "My…" he paused with difficulty. "father…died and now…I don't know…what I'm suppose to do."

Ashleigh didn't hesitate. She wrapped him in her arms and he lifted her off the ground as he cried into her. She found it a little hard to breathe with how hard he was hugging her but she was certain that she would have blown away if it hadn't been for his strong arms wrapped around her tiny form.

*

They lay on her bed, their arms entangled around each other with her thick comforter over their fully-clothed bodies. There was nothing sexual about it, only the raw emotional need to be in the other ones arms. It crossed Ashleigh's mind that he'd chosen her instead of Cassie in his moment of need but the thought passed as quickly as it had come. They'd loved each other too damn long to pretend that they didn't need each other in a moment like this.

They talked for hours, holding each other while the other cried, switching rolls every so often. She was strong for him and even though he shouldn't be he was strong for her. They both had loved him and they both had lost him.

*

He was gone when she woke up in the morning. She found a note on her pillow and read it through sleepy eyes.

Ash,

Sorry I didn't stick around. Thank you for last night. You were the only one that could help me make it through. I'll call you sometime. Don't worry about coming into work for the next few days. Everyone else will take care of it. I need some time to be by myself and I can't deal with the feelings that last night brought back. I'm sorry…Be strong and I'll talk to you soon.

Love Always,

Mike  
Ashleigh rolled back over onto her pillow and closed her eyes against the tears that had immediately sprung. She understood that he needed some time. He'd just lost his father but why did he have to make it so complicated? She accepted that he was going to be married in three weeks. She thought about it every damn day. But she needed him right now. And he needed her, too.

*

Rylen's pretty blue eyes were focused on her mother as she took those first few experimental steps towards her. Ashleigh's face lit up and when her daughter reached her she scooped her in her arms and lifted her high into the air, blowing raspberries on her belly. "Good girl." she cooed. It was a very big deal when your child walked for the first time. Granted it had been three steps but that was three steps more than she'd ever taken without the assistance of something to hold on to before. Ashleigh couldn't have been more proud.

There were moments like this when she didn't feel the sting of tears or the lump in her throat that told her another breakdown was coming. There were moments like this that she could smile and mean it. The only thing in this world that could make that smile true was the child in her arms.

Her sweet baby girl.

*

The moonlight slanted across her sheets as Ashleigh lay in them, totally sleepless. She wasn't crying which surprised her. That's usually what happened when she woke up this time of night. She wasn't tired as she had been most of lately. She was just lonely which she had been since the night she'd spent with Mike.

He hadn't called and the funeral was tomorrow. She wasn't ready to see him without talking to him first. She wasn't sure what she was suppose to do. She'd seen him around the farm and aside from a lingering glance he'd sent her way he hadn't even hinted that he missed her or wanted to talk to her. Cassie was always at his side, mooning over him and holding his hand.

Ashleigh closed her eyes and sank into her dreams of Mike….when he'd still loved her…

*

The day of Gene's funeral Ashleigh pulled her dark hair back into a pony-tail that hung between her shoulder blades at the base of her neck. She dressed in a plain black skirt with a black shirt that had no cute designs or anything enticing about it. She wore no jewelry and dabbed no make-up on her pretty face.

She arrived at the church with Rylen a half hour before the service was to begin. The church was already well crowded and the only open spots were near the back. Ashleigh sat Rylen on her lap and looked around for Mike. He was seated up front with his family, Cassie and his sister Kathryn on either side. Kathryn turned around and caught Ashleigh's eye. Each girl managed a feeble smile.

She did not allow herself to cry during the ceremony. She'd turned on her numb wall and simply watched Mike as he sat as stiff as a steel rod. She was certain he was at the same place that she was. Broken and unsure of what your next move would be.

*

His blue eyes burned holes into hers as Ashleigh stare up at him. It was the middle of the night again but this time she stood before him with only a big t-shirt. He didn't ask to come in right away, he only studied her, his gaze wandering to her bare legs.

"Would you like something to drink?" she asked uncomfortably as they stood in her kitchen. She tugged at the bottom of her shirt, hoping to make it longer.

He shook his head and walked over to her. He picked her up and set her on the counter, coming closer than she'd anticipated. She opened her legs to let him get as close as he wanted. He was the Mike from a long time ago. The one that was all desire and it was all for her. Ashleigh's eyes clouded and she made an instant decision to follow her heart…and there wasn't anything she wanted more than this.

*  
She woke in his arms the next morning, her head rested on his chest and her hair on the pillow. It was Rylen's baby monitor that woke her. She stare at Mike for a few seconds, a warm feeling spreading throughout her body. She kissed his cheek gently before reaching for her robe and walking into her daughter's room.

Rylen stopped crying when she saw her mom and Ashleigh brought her to her changing table. When Rylen was changed she brought her downstairs and spilled cheerios and poured milk in a sippy cup to give to her.

Mike stumbled downstairs a few minutes later, sleep in his eyes. Ashleigh turned to him with her heart racing. "Any regrets?" she finally asked.

He stare at her for several seconds before a smile slipped across his handsome face. "No." he answered firmly.

Ashleigh smiled, too and handed him a cup of coffee and kissed his cheek.


	12. Chapter 12

Ch. 12

She walked slowly downstairs after her shower, the wet locks of her long brown hair brushing over her back and leaving small, wet spots on her shirt.

Her breath caught in her throat as she leaned against the railing for the stairs and took in the most beautiful sight she'd ever seen. Rylen was sitting in front of Mike and they were both focused on her latest toy. Rylen stood up suddenly and turned towards him, wrapping her short, chubby arms around his muscular body.

Mike scooped her in his arms and stood up with her. "I really do love her, and I think I just fell in love with you, too. I only wish that it mattered."

Ashleigh let her presence be known and the three of them sat on the couch, curled up and watching the snow falling down from the heavens. It was a long time before anyone spoke and the first one that did was Mike. Big, strong Mike.

"I never told you how my father died." he said softly.

"You can tell me when your ready." Maybe if she was patient enough and was everything he'd ever wanted he'd stay. That he'd take the ring back from Cassie and give it's meaning to Ashleigh. If she was good enough…he'd never be able to leave.

"He was coming home from a dinner he'd had with a client. The roads were terrible and he couldn't hardly see anything. Another driver swerved into his lane and hit him head on. He was drunk and my father died because of it."

Ashleigh rested her head on his shoulder in pain. "I'm so sorry." she pressed a gentle kiss to the inside of his neck felt him wrap his arm around her. She pressed into him, wanting to never be anyplace else. He felt so different in the way he was…she had a feeling she already knew what was to come.

Mike set Rylen in her bouncy chair and looked down at Ashleigh. "I didn't sleep much last night. I spent most of it thinking about a lot of things."

Ashleigh stood in front of him, her body shaking in anticipation and despair. "And what conclusions did you come to?"

"I…love you. I've never loved anyone the way that I love you and I never will again. You…are…everything to me and I wish more than anything else that things could have worked out for us but I've learned that timing has so much to do with the way things turned out. And…we realized our mistakes at the wrong time. It's too late."

Ashleigh bowed her head as tears dripped down her face. She laced her fingers through his and squeezed tight. She met his deep blue eyes with nothing but pain in her hazel ones. "Will you just stay…please? I need you."

"I'm sorry." he pressed a soft kiss to her lips before exiting the house. He went back to the life that was his now…he went back to the girl that would in three weeks forever be called his wife.

*

The crisp December morning air chilled Ashleigh as she sat on Destiny For You's strong back. The snow had stopped and the track was finally in condition to be ridden on. It felt good to be riding a horse again…to feel that one on one connection that she could only identify as a feeling of contentment and freedom.

The twosome tore around the track, or so it seemed. In her heart Ashleigh was flying high above the world so she guessed that's why Destiny's speed seemed so much faster than it actually was. She wanted to feel amazing again. Like she could do anything she dreamed of. She was tired of living like this.

Mike was getting married tomorrow at four o'clock in Lexington, Kentucky. Ashleigh had her invitation stuck in some drawer but she'd already decided that she wasn't going to go. It would be too much to see him handed off to someone else forever.

Ashleigh shook away thoughts of Mike and focused on her ride. She was planning on doing more racing for other stables when summer came. Rylen was already over a year so she'd be easier to have around.

When she saw that it was time for the work to end she gently pulled the filly up and brought her back to Ian McLean, the cold slapping her face. He grinned at her. "Nice work." he said with a big smile.

"Thanks." she was planning on going to check on Shine when she felt his hand on her shoulder. She turned back and noted the serious expression on his weathered face. "Yes?" she asked expectantly.

"I wanted to let you know how good it is to have you back. That I think that you've turned into a very strong young woman to get through all that you've been through. I've thought of you like a daughter for a long time, Ash and I just wanted to let you know." Ian said seriously, his deep green eyes staring deeply into hers.

"Thank you." she said earnestly, sentimental tears springing to her hazel eyes. "That means a lot to me."

Ian nodded. "I mean it. I also want to let you know I respect the way that you've acted towards Mike. I know it hasn't been easy seeing the guy that you loved for many years as he's getting ready to become someone else's husband. You're a fine girl, Ash and you'll find someone that you can love forever and can love you back."

Ashleigh managed to keep her gaze neutral when the conversation drifted to Mike. Would he respect her as much if he'd known that she'd slept with him? That she'd tired to be better than Cassie so she could have him back? Her actions hadn't been very honorable but she couldn't bring herself to tell him that. And she couldn't bring herself to agree with him and tell him that she knew she'd find someone to love forever because she thought that she already had. She knew that she wouldn't and couldn't love anyone the way she loved Mike. There just wasn't anyone else like him.

*

Shine's mane tangled with Ashleigh's fingers as she took in his deep, horsy scent. The tears had finally stopped drifting down her face and now she simply wrapped her arms around Shine's glittering neck and tried to find the strength to move from this very spot. To find the strength to go pick up Rylen and try to be the best mother she could be to her. To face her family and friends and look them in the eye and know that they knew that she was broken. To know that they would wonder if she was going to run again. She wanted to tell them that she wouldn't but she didn't want to lie again.

She wanted to run so bad.

She wanted to get out of here, to be free and make a fresh start with Rylen. She knew that she wasn't going to be able to handle seeing Mike everyday. She knew that they would both make a mistake that would break up his family and ruin everything Ashleigh had tried so hard to be. She knew she wasn't going to be able to control herself. It wasn't going to work.

She sank into the corner of the stall, wrapping her arms around her knees and resting her chin on the pile she'd made. She didn't know where to go. Back to Saratoga? As much as she missed everything about New York she knew she couldn't go back. Maybe she'd go to southern California, where the weather was always warm and no one knew her. No one could judge her and know what a failure she was. What a damn chicken she was.

But could she do that to Rylen? To her family? At least with them things had finally been getting back to normal. Whatever that was. Caroline had just told Ashleigh that she thought she might be pregnant and the two had started to look forward to doing baby clothes shopping and doing the whole sister thing. And Samantha, sweet Samantha. How could Ashleigh leave her again? It wasn't fair that Ashleigh ran out every time things got tough.

But they didn't know what it was like.

None of them knew. None of them could ever know what she felt when she woke up every morning and looked out her window and saw the smoke curling out of their chimney, knowing that they were inside that house, lying in bed together, all warm and happy. Knowing that Mike woke up every morning with another woman in his bed. The woman that Ashleigh had to pretend that she liked. She was tired of pretending but she couldn't stop. Life had left her no options.

"Your pathetic." A harsh voice said from the stall door and Ashleigh looked up to see Brad Townsend staring down at her, a look of disgust on his handsome face. "Get the hell up."

Ashleigh was so stunned that she obeyed and was even more surprised when he opened up the stall door and yanked her out. They didn't talk until they were well into one of the farm's aisles between the white-paddock fences. "What are you doing here?" She finally asked, her breath coming out in cold gasps, misting the frozen air.

"I came to rescue you." he said, lifting his upper lip in a disgusting smug look.

She rolled her eyes. "What makes you think I need to be rescued?" she continued to walk.

He grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him. "Your face is all blotchy, you've been crying." How had he known? "Don't think I haven't been watching you, Griffen. I see you with your moping around, acting like your whole world is over."

Ashleigh raised her chin defiantly, her eyes flashing with annoyance. "You don't know me, Brad."

"Don't give me that shit, Ashleigh. I know you better than you know yourself." His eyes flashed but then there was that sort of tenderness there. That tenderness that always stunned her and always almost made her want to go back. Go back to when things were good between them, to the times that they'd tried to love each other and had. She wanted him to not make her hurt so bad. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and have him suck all of the pain out of her. She would do anything. Anything at all, to just feel whole again. To want to live again. She was so close to sinking into him forever.

But she knew how it would end, of course. They would never have their happily ever after. It just didn't exist for them. She would spend the rest of her life dreaming about Mike and Brad would grow bitter. They'd get divorced and their children would always have a broken home. She couldn't do that to herself or her future. As much as she'd once thought he hadn't, Brad deserved better.

"So how are you proposing to rescue me?" She said, swiveling her head and looking at him now through tired hazel orbs.

"Giving you back the man that you love." He sort of smiled at her. It would have been cocky if she hadn't seen through to that same tenderness. He leaned down and gently pressed a kiss to her forehead. "It'll be better soon, darling and I can get back to torturing you. It's better that way." She looked into his eyes and suddenly knew that he knew everything she'd been thinking just moments ago. He knew how ready she'd bee to come running back to him and he'd stopped her. Her eyes questioned his but he only smiled and walked away.

Ashleigh watched him go and was startled to see Cassie hovered in a huge winter jacket, a nervous smile on her face. "Hello, Ashleigh." she said and crunched through the snow to get to the other woman.

"Cassie." Ashleigh said and cleared her throat. "What are you doing here?"

Cassie looked down into the pure white snow for a few moments, kicking her boots into it. "I, ah, came to talk to you about Mike." She looked up and her blue eyes were sad. "I'm giving him back to you."

Ashleigh stare at the pretty woman in front of her for several long moments before she found the sense to answer. "Giving him back to me?" she quoted, not understanding.

Cassie nodded. "I've called off the wedding." her tone was almost matter-of-fact. Would have been if there hadn't been that tinge of quietness that told Ashleigh that she wasn't doing this for herself. She was doing it for Mike. Because she loved him.

"But-but why?" Ashleigh stammered. "Your wedding is tomorrow. Everything's all planned and ready to go. I don't understand."

Cassie sighed and started to walk. Ashleigh followed numbly. "I remember when he found out that you'd come back. He was like a different person. He tried to be loving and caring with me and act like nothing had changed but I saw it every time I looked at him. He still loved you and it wasn't me that he saw when he closed his eyes. It was his first love, his only true love." Cassie stare deep into Ashleigh's hazel eyes. "He saw you." There was something close to tears in those pretty blue eyes that broke Ashleigh's heart even as it swelled. Made her want to wish she'd never come home even as she wanted to jump for joy that she had. It hurt her to know the pain she'd caused.

"Cassie, I never wanted to-" Ashleigh trailed off, not knowing how to finish that sentence.

But the girl nodded in understanding, briefly closing her eyes as a tear trickled out. "I know, I know." she almost whispered. "You fell in love." There was a wistful smile on her face now. "I know what that's like. I was selfish for a long time, I just wanted to have Mike and our happily ever after but in order to have that you both have to want it and each other more than anything and anyone else. I've been alone in this relationship for a long time and I" she paused, tears welling in her eyes as a defiant look slipped over her pretty features. "I deserve better than that."

Ashleigh was forced to look away as her own eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry."

Cassie hugged her and Ashleigh wrapped her arms around her. "Don't be. You can't chose who you love. Or who your meant to be with. That was decided long ago."

"Thank you." Ashleigh whispered as they held each other at arms length. "What are you going to do now?"

Cassie wiped away her tears. "Go back to Boston, I guess. I've got family there and I guess I'll go back to school." She half-smiled. "Maybe it's better this way. I never liked the horses as much as he did. They were fun on the sidelines but it would have bugged me the way he was always with them. I need someone that lavishes his attention on me the way he does those horses."

Ashleigh nodded and half laughed. "I hope that you find the one your looking for."

Cassie nodded. "Me too," they both looked over her shoulder to see Mike walking towards them, his hands shoved deeply in his pockets, a hesitant look on his handsome face.

Cassie walked up to him, planted one hand on either side of his face and pressed a firm kiss on his lips. They exchanged a few words before she walked away, not stopping once to send a longing glance over her shoulder.

Mike walked over to Ashleigh and the two stare at each other for a few moments before he finally spoke. "Still want me?" he asked, sounding nervous.

Ashleigh nodded, "Yeah, I do." she murmured.

"Good." he said and smiled. They stare at each other for a few more moments, memorizing every detail of this precious moment that they were brought back together, forever. She finally laughed and jumped into his arms, wrapping herself around him and finding his mouth with her own. She kissed him long and hard and vowed, this time, to never let him go.


End file.
